I grew up watching you on TV. Glee was my favorite show out there. It showed how outcasts could have something all of their own and fit into a group where they belonged. I always wanted a Glee Club at my school. I’ve never been the best at singing, but I constantly find myself doing it and it’s one of the few things that genuinely makes me happy. I still remember the day I found out you left this world. I was driving home with my mom and sister from school and my sister read an article that said you died of a drug overdose. A mixture of heroin and alcohol. Most times when I hear of drug overdoses I consider it suicide. Surely people know what they are doing and what the risks are of taking hard drugs. That’s probably why they take them. They want something to take away the pain, but don’t people to think they are killing themselves so they drug themselves to cover it up. I think that’s what happened with you. Maybe everything was too much and you needed a way out. Using heroin is stupid, and then adding alcohol into your bloodstream besides that just sounds like a death wish. It killed me to know you were gone. I just cried and cried for a week straight. I was waiting for Glee to air their next episode saying how they would play out your death. That episode, Season 5 Episode 3 “The Quarterback”, never gave an explanation to your death. You were just dead and the episode was a beautiful testimonial to your death and a remembrance of the time you had here. I watch that episode over and over, I still do whenever I get sad I just turn it on and cry. Somehow it makes me feel better, It gives me a reason to cry whenever I feel I’m going to. Which is a lot lately. Everything has been getting harder lately. I knew Junior year was gonna be hard, but it’s all too much for me. I’m worrying about my job, the ACT, my driver’s license, and still trying to have perfect grades. It’s hard to be happy when there’s too much going on. There’s not enough time to feel anything. Everything is always go go go. There is no time to stop. If I stop I’ll get off course and then I’ll disappoint people. And I can’t disappoint people. It hurts to let others down. I want to be all that they think I am and live up to my sister. Of course sometimes I wish I could take it all away like you did, but then I would just be letting people down like always. It scares me to think about what happens after we die. I can’t imagine not being here, it’s too hard. It scares me. It’s like I want to go away, but I’m too afraid of what I don’t know.<\/p>\n
After you died, that’s when I really realized that this world is not all made up of what it’s supposed to be. Everything is terrible all the time. There is never a moment of pure peace. That’s all I want. Peace. For everything to be better and on the up and up. But this world is shitty and I don’t think it’s every gonna get better. That’s probably why so many people are depressed and take their life away. What’s the point in trying if nothing’s gonna get better, right? Something needs to change, I don’t know where and I don’t know how. But something has to get better at some point, otherwise what is the point of being put in this world?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I grew up watching you on TV. Glee was my favorite show out there. It showed how outcasts could have something all of their own and fit into a group where they belonged. I always wanted a Glee Club at my school. I’ve never been the best at singing, but I constantly find myself doing […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":0,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1097","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-love-letters"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1097","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1097"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1097\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1097"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1097"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1097"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}