I try. I do. Maybe I am an “edge lord” or whatever you say. Maybe I say these things because I actually like them AND because it MIGHT get me the attention I crave from all of you people who I TRY to fit in with and be kind to and include. But you never include me. I know you aren’t dead. And I don’t necessarily want you to be dead to me. So I’m sorry that I am not fitting the purpose. “Who cares if one more light goes out?” – Linkin Park. I don’t think that you care about mine. One of you actually cares about me but I am trying to tell you that I need you to SHOW ME. Only three or four people even messaged me while I was gone from school for almost three weeks because I was hospitalized for trying to kill myself. And then YOU. I love you, but I hated you in this moment. I sent notes to my boyfriend and closest friend while I was in the hospital. I couldn’t contact anyone else. I get out and text YOU because I haven’t talked to you and I want to. And you DON’T message me back, you message him and TELL HIM that you think that I should have messaged him. I am crushed right now. I am CRUSHED. He has to tell me whenever I feel doubtful that you actually do care about me. And now we broke up because he has doubts of his own because of his mind and I don’t think that that helped. He wanted to take a break because he thought that we weren’t spending enough time together. My mom thinks that he disrespected me. I am trying but I will never fit in. There are so many people that like me and are nice, but I am ALWAYS a back-up. It’s not fair. Why me? WHY ME? I try to be a good person. And everyone says that I am really nice. But I am obnoxious and annoying and too much and an “edge lord” and I can’t take it anymore. I just can’t. You know I was feeling really good today? I haven’t seen any of you in over a week. I won’t see any of you until Wednesday. And as muh as it will hurt, I am going to try to ignore everyone because besides, whenever I try to talk to anyone I just interrupt the “nice” conversation with my extraness. I’m sorry for being myself and being…I don’t even know how you see me.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I try. I do. Maybe I am an “edge lord” or whatever you say. Maybe I say these things because I actually like them AND because it MIGHT get me the attention I crave from all of you people who I TRY to fit in with and be kind to and include. But you never […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":0,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1139","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-love-letters"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1139","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1139"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1139\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1139"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1139"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1139"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}