Life\u2019s honestly so crazy. I think your death really scarred me. From the moment you were put in your casket to the moment they laid your resting body 6 feet under I can\u2019t remember a thing. The day of your funeral is just such a faint memory of mines and i can only re-live it through the experiences others had that day. I\u2019m not sure if that\u2019s a good or bad thing yet. I\u2019m just so oblivious to all of it. I know mom puts on the act as it doesn\u2019t hurt her to think about you anymore but your death left a whole in the hearts of all of us. Mom talks about how that horrid day we all had to watch you go under i couldn\u2019t leave your casket alone. Nobody but me and her were allowed to get near your little blue casket with cars stickers on it. That\u2019s the only detail I remember. You were such a beautiful little boy Lex. I know you wanted to live but your body was just too frail. After everything happened i remember hating grocery stores. The scanning noise of the scanner and the sound of your heart monitor sounded too alike and it\u2019d literally send e into panic attacks. I hated it. I remember when all dad wanted to do was keep you alive but you were slipping in and out of consciousness so often the doctors couldn\u2019t leave your side all day and your heart would need to be restarted all the time. You were too little to be struggling like that. That\u2019s why mom agreed to pulling the plug. I hope you feel no hate towards her for that. I know she loved you more than all of us,it was really hard for her. I feel like her connection to you was that it was obvious you looked like her in comparison to me and Mia who look like dad.To this day we all know we\u2019re missing a Pabon in the house. It was heartbreaking when we moved. The site of your burial is so far from home and we can\u2019t go visit you anymore, it\u2019s not that we forgot. We miss you so much. Just know that one day we\u2019ll meet again. Not too soon,but before you know it we\u2019ll all be together again.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Life\u2019s honestly so crazy. I think your death really scarred me. From the moment you were put in your casket to the moment they laid your resting body 6 feet under I can\u2019t remember a thing. The day of your funeral is just such a faint memory of mines and i can only re-live it […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":0,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1300","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-love-letters"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1300","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1300"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1300\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1300"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1300"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1300"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}