I know you\u2019re not dead, but my love for you is. Every minute with you was so joyous, and every time I saw you my stomach did a million flips. But that\u2019s not there anymore. I now realize that the entire time I loved, I wasn\u2019t loving myself. I neglected my needs and the needs of everyone around me. I lied to myself and I would make myself believe you felt the same way, but now that I have had time away from you, I realized that wasn\u2019t love. It was obsession. I was obsessed with you because you were one of the only boy who didn\u2019t like me. I needed you. And because of you, I ruined my relationships with a lot of people. I remember learning your schedule, your birthday, your full name, and everything about you. And I thought about it, and you are a horrible person. You always put down the people around you and point out the insecurities. You make rape jokes and say disgusting things about your friends. You never think about what you\u2019re about to say. And yes, maybe i am a horrible person too. But I don\u2019t care. You caused me pain, anxiety, and anger. There was even a time I could feel anything for anyone but you, because I was so determined to have you. I really hope Claire gets out of that relationship with you, and I hope she finds someone who deserves her more. If i typed all that I really wanted to type, this letter would go on forever, so I will cut it off, it\u2019s finally time, it\u2019s the day I have been dreading, but it was bound to get here.So, after everything, I\u2019m saying goodbye. I\u2019m saying goodbye to the dreams of us together. I\u2019m saying goodbye to crying over you. I\u2019m saying goodbye to being a horrid person to every girl I saw even talk to you. I\u2019m sorry I bullied you. I\u2019m sorry I was terrible to your girlfriend, Claire, who did nothing to me. I\u2019m saying goodbye to all of the negative feelings. I\u2019m letting go of the past, and moving on to my future. It\u2019s time for me and you to part ways.
\n Here is the apology to my past self. I\u2019m sorry that I didn\u2019t get us the dream relationship we had wished to have with him. I\u2019m sorry me and Jaxson aren\u2019t gonna get our happy ending with our 4 kids and 2 dogs. I\u2019m sorry I wasn\u2019t able to make your dreams come true. I\u2019m sorry I put us through all that pain just for this. But you\u2019re welcome for this learning experience. You\u2019re welcome for giving us a reminder that we\u2019re important. You\u2019re welcome for allowing us to learn that we are important too. <\/p>\n
Goodbye past me.
\nGoodbye Jaxson Chavez.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I know you\u2019re not dead, but my love for you is. Every minute with you was so joyous, and every time I saw you my stomach did a million flips. But that\u2019s not there anymore. I now realize that the entire time I loved, I wasn\u2019t loving myself. I neglected my needs and the needs […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":0,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1455","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-love-letters"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1455","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1455"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1455\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1455"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1455"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1455"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}