Hola Abuela. I wish I could write this letter to you in Spanish because I know you would have been proud to see it that way. But for now I will write to you in English. I recently read this book called Love Letters to the Dead and it made me think of you. It’s been almost five years since you left me here. And they have been hard. I culminated Elementary and while all the others cheered for they were growing up, all I could think about was that you weren’t there to see me. When I had my first communion, I remember searching through the crowd of out family looking for you-but you were not there. And I didn’t care about anything else other than you were not there. And now I have started High School and I can’t help but want to stop the clock and stay in the moment because I don’t know if I can survive going through another achievement and NOT have you there to share it with. That is why when my mom asks me why I don’t try out for sports or different teams or get straight A’s in school. I just can’t. And them I think of all the changes that have come from your passing. I’ve grown closet toy uncles, your sons, than I have ever been before. They are like my older brothers. And that us basically the only good that has come out of your passing. My mother and I haven’t gotten any closer and we still fight a lot. Not as much as usual, but lately it seems as though every little thing she does annoys me and every little thing I do annoys her. And I don’t know what to so without you here. I find myself hoping my graduation will come faster and sooner so I can leave. Leave the pain of the move behind. Though it may not seem a great distance, it has still made my friends, who I thought my family, drift away from me. And I can’t handle it sometimes. They were the shoulder that I would lean on. And now I don’t even have that. I am SO shattered inside and the thing is- I don’t know how to fix it. Reading all my novels and bumping my music louder than necessary in my ears can only help so much before I have to face reality again. I can’t even write my own books anymore. And I try to bury it all inside, and protect everyone around me from the mess I am. But nothing can stay hidden for long before completely shattering to pieces the safe haven that had once surrounded it. And so in this letter I ask for your guidance. Help me get through these last years Abuelita. I need your guidance. I need YOU but I will settle for what I can get as long as it brings me closer to you. I love you with all my heart. And I will see you again someday. But not yet. I still need to be here for a while before I can go to you. And in order for me to stay here longer, I need your spirit to remain with me and keep me strong. So please answer my plea.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Hola Abuela. I wish I could write this letter to you in Spanish because I know you would have been proud to see it that way. But for now I will write to you in English. I recently read this book called Love Letters to the Dead and it made me think of you. It’s […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":0,"featured_media":170,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-169","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-love-letters"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/169","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=169"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/169\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/170"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=169"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=169"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=169"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}