{"id":228,"date":"2015-02-08T15:11:51","date_gmt":"2015-02-08T15:11:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/dear-the-first-great-love-i-will-ever-lose\/"},"modified":"2015-02-08T15:11:51","modified_gmt":"2015-02-08T15:11:51","slug":"dear-the-first-great-love-i-will-ever-lose","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/dear-the-first-great-love-i-will-ever-lose\/","title":{"rendered":"Dear The First Great Love I Will Ever Lose"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>I am eighteen years old, and so far, I have hardly had anyone who it would literally kill me to lose. Until recently.<br \/>\nSelfishly, I hope to go first, so I never have to feel the pain of losing him, losing everything I have, the everything that saved me&#8230;But I cannot wish that. I cannot with anything. Only accept whatever fate befalls us.<br \/>\nWe are both so very young and so very sad inside, but we make the other feel the sadness less. It can never be forgotten, of course, but we don&#8217;t have to remember it as often. <\/p>\n<p>He always falls asleep at night before I do, because I hardly sleep more than a couple hours a night. I am happy when he sleeps, though he feels bad about my not sleeping. I tell him not to worry. I watch him, when my eyes have adjusted to the darkness. I place my left hand over his heart and feel the beats. I feel the rise and fall of his chest. I see a crooked smile that lingers at the corner of his mouth, and that is the one thing that makes me think that maybe I do make him happier. Maybe. I hope I&#8217;m right. <\/p>\n<p>&#8220;You are the only thing that makes me feel like I could live forever&#8230;With you, my love.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>I love you now and forever. I swear it. I do.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I am eighteen years old, and so far, I have hardly had anyone who it would literally kill me to lose. Until recently. Selfishly, I hope to go first, so I never have to feel the pain of losing him, losing everything I have, the everything that saved me&#8230;But I cannot wish that. I cannot [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":0,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-228","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-love-letters"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/228","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=228"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/228\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=228"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=228"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=228"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}