Wow. It’s been forever hasn’t it? Mom lied to me about the way you died – it was probably just for protection and I know she didn’t mean to lie but it was probably better for me anyways – I was young when it happened. I remember the night my dad told me the truth – which frankly my mom doesn’t know about – still. I want to ask her about it but I’m too afraid she’ll get upset. I mentioned you in therapy a while ago – I would rather talk to you anyways. I don’t remember a lot about you – my dad didn’t like you that much he didn’t like grandma either – he said it was your fault you two split apart. I don’t think it was your fault. I remembered how kind you were – how caring – I was young and I’d occasionally spill things on your carpet – it’s probably my most vivid memory of you – I remember spilling Coke or some type of soda on your carpet – my mom instantly yelled at me – told me how I wasn’t careful enough and when I started to cry you got upset with my mom and comforted me – you cleaned the carpet and went along with your day. I suppose it wasn’t a big deal but it meant a lot. When you get old you never failed to buy me toys and stuffed animals and things along those lines – I still have that dinosaur you gave me – i still sleep with it – it’s the one thing that reminds me of you. I wish I could talk to you one more time – seriously though I have so many questions. I want to ask my mom if you left a note – and I’m too afraid to ask. I’m not sure what I’m afraid of though – my mom or reading it. I mentioned you to my language arts teacher the other day also – she tried to explain to me why people did commit suicide – I didn’t know how to tell her that I’d felt that way before and I didn’t need an explanation – I’m too afraid to do a lot of things now. I want to know why you did it – i want to know all the small details – what gun did you use – what time was it – how bad were you hurting? Maybe that all sounds morbid but I want to know everything about you. Maybe we could’ve helped eachother. We’re quite similar now that I think about it. I don’t believe my mom when she tells me that you weren’t a good man. I don’t think I ever will because all I can remember is how loved you made me feel. The only reason I’m even a Christian is because of you – honestly the whole God part doesn’t really make sense to me. I just kind of want to know that when I die I have somewhere to go. Hopefully you’ll be there. You’re also the reason I’m still alive. thank you I suppose. Maybe I’ll see you sometime soon – I don’t know how much longer I can hold up .<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Wow. It’s been forever hasn’t it? Mom lied to me about the way you died – it was probably just for protection and I know she didn’t mean to lie but it was probably better for me anyways – I was young when it happened. I remember the night my dad told me the truth […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":0,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-528","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-love-letters"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/528","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=528"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/528\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=528"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=528"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/loveletters.avadellaira.com\/love-letters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=528"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}