Dear Lucio (Dad),
I honestly do not even know if you will be able to understand this letter because well it’s not in Spanish. Although you are an angel and angels are gifted and well I can’t write in Spanish so that settles that . It’s going to be 5 years now that you left and to this day I can’t get the idea in my head . There were so many things I had to tell you, I have been so lost and I can’t find my way out of this darkness. I remember it was 7 in the afternoon when I got a phone call. I was at work and the guys were playing music, I answered my phone and it was my aunt she asked how I was doing and told her I was working then there was silence I asked her if she was OK and she paused “honey I just want to tell you that your dad …… your dad is OK now , your Pa is not hurting anymore he is not pain he is in heaven now”, that is exactly what aunt Agus.. said to me.That is when i realized I was nothing i felt so powerless the pain was unbearable i don’t even remember how I got home all I remember is hanging up and walking in the dark next thing i know i’m in the house and asking myself how I was going to tell this to everyone . I blamed myself because I asked god to ease your pain and that’s why god took you . But you , you let me down to Pa ! you didn’t stop drinking for us, you continued to drink even after they told you it was going to kill you. You choose alcohol over your children you left us . why didn’t you stop and think of Bosy he was only seven. Pa you can’t imagine how hard it is for him to grow up without you . I miss you so much I can’t stand waking up in the morning and not having you here . I can’t hug you anymore I won’t ever hug you again or hear your voice . You are gone and I can’t get the idea in my head in my heart in my mind . I try to be strong but its so hard . I had to grow up so young at first I was OK because I buried myself at work but now It’s like a storm of sadness that comes and knocks me down. Please forgive me for the times I have blame you when things get out my hands. I try everyday to be a better person Pa i promise I will keep trying my best to make you proud. Sorry for not being there and I am sorry for not trying harder I love you .
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