"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

So far you probably know that I keep on coming here to this site to write you a letter, whenever I feel too desperate and sad because of you, that I feel like nothing else is going to work. I feel like this is somehow your email to heaven and that if I write here, you can actually read it. Whenever I feel so low because of what happened and I sit in my room at night, feeling like I’m going to explode, I come here. This is my instand therapy. It always helped so far. Even though I haven’t written you in a while, that doesn’t mean I’m okay. I’m just shut down. And tonight is so hard, because I realized that today would have been your birthday. Shock. And then I went through some pictures and made it all even worse.
I miss you. Even though I don’t even know what I miss. That’s what makes it harder probably. I’ve started therapy also, been there three times so far, and I’m so happy I’m doing it. I have the perfect therapist, and she always gives me hope. I wish you could have seen here. I would so very much like to believe that she could have helped you.
I must admit to you that lately I wasn’t feeling okay, but I’m slowly finding my strenght back, and am getting better. Lately, if sometimes I’m feeling down and scared for my future, I find strenght in you. After three years, I finaly find strength in you. I think of how you wrote me that I should keep on following my path, and that I’m the one in the family that can make something out of my life, and it gives me courage. I quiet believe you, and I quiet believe that you are there, helping me and guarding me. Please help me. I can’t do this alone. I relly need you right now. Can you please watch over me? Help me feel safe?
I miss you big bro.

And I love you too.