"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Hey, uhm, I don`t know what to say at first. Honestly I just miss you, since you died five years ago with a coma. And to tell you honestly, I`m still guilty that I didn`t do anything to save you back then, only three of us saw it and I was in there. I could have done something better or done something good. I watched you slowly die in front of me while hugging my younger cousins- telling them to be okay. Of course, I thought it was, until the doctor said you didn`t make it and we lost you. We didn`t watch television, my cousins and I feel missing without you, your children are scattered, your husband is distant and I feel lost. All of us are, you were an inspiration to many while I blamed you on your gifts on why you still bought the same gift. Later did I know, that was my very last gift from you, and all I said was a different one next year.
If you could read this, I wish you were still alive today, my eighteenth birthday is coming this year, and I honestly want to put your name in one of my treasures. Even if you`re dead and wouldn`t be there, I wish you will be there. It sucks seeing my mom suffer and realize she had a mom before. She missed you so much, you don`t know how much she misses you. Even grandpa misses you dearly, his love for you was eternal, he visited your grave everyday when you died. And had a sudden realization you were gone. Even your mother misses you dearly, she misses you so much when she sees us. I guess, I haven`t really moved on until I`m writing this now. The guilt, depression and loneliness is still there. Sure, I should move on-yet it has been five goddamn years and I `m still lost. I wish I had my time with you, I wish did more something better with you. Because you were enough for all of us while I wasn`t enough for you. I was never enough for you because I was such a prick. The reunions? I despise those since I know, I know it will never be the same without you.
It was never the same without you.
I may never get over it, we will never get over it. But I know, you`re happy right now with your father. Over the other side, I hope you`re happy, because you were the light in our lives.
I can never get over it.