"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Hey, Ollie. You know, people tell you that when you loose someone you love, grieving can be the worse part. But they are so wrong. The worse part is the pity, the self-blame, the recoiling of details, wondering if one different decision would change how your life played out. Wondering, ‘Maybe if I had told you more often how much I loved you, you’d still be here.’ And although I’ve tried several times to take back what happened, I still can’t think clearly. Every time I close my eyes, all I see is your lifeless body. Remember how we used to make it a tradition to drink hot cocoa on the train ride to Aunt K’s house? Or the time we put plastic wrap on the doorway and Mollie walked into it and bounced back? What happened to the smile that was etched on your face through all of that. When you held Mollie in your arms for the first time. You were supposed to protect me from the feeling of uselessness. That’s what big brothers are supposed to do. I miss you so much Ollie. I have rewritten this email thingy 9 times over again. I can’t seem to get it right.
I’m writing this because two days from now will be 10 months since you died. I still want to be a marine biologist and go to BU, and Mollie says she wants to be wherever you are and ice cream is free. I wish you were here to argue with her about how finding ice cream isn’t a sufficient job choice. I miss your competitiveness. I miss you wrapping your arms around me and telling stranger boys your my boyfriend to scare them away. I miss you acting like a dork. I miss your teasing and protectiveness over me and Mollie. She misses you too. You want to know something? Right now I’m listening to a song, “Just Breathe” and for some reason it reminds me of you. I really miss you Ollie. I really don’t mean to blab you off, but I really needed this. I love you so much Ollie and I never told you that enough. you were the best brother I could have ever asked for. Wherever you are, I truly hope you aren’t thinking of me, because you could be thinking of way better things. And I know there’s no way of you getting this because, with your track record, your probably in hell and I don’t think there are mailboxes down there. So, just know, I love you and I miss you. And Mollie wants me to make sure I include she loves you too. Bye Ollie.