"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

My love’s counterfeit light was truly shrouded in darkness.
Surrounded by the unspeakable and unforgiving horrors that reached only the unfathomable places in his heart.
My one truest wish is that I could have prevented the darkness from consuming his precious soul away from my now cold, shallow, and empty embrace.
Why, Death? Why, you fathomless and deceitful creature, did you take the person that I truly loved, adored, and fully cared about away from my grasp?
Why did you not take me?
Thou should’ve taken me.
You should have taken me, Death. Not a pure and immaculate soul such as he.
He did not deserve this.
No, my love, you have not forsaken me. In fact, this only made me want nothing more in the world than to be with you, love you, and care for you like I never could. This only made me want to love you longer. This only made me want to love you better.
I want you to know that you never annoyed me. At all. To any certain extent.
I never really had a chance to tell you my honest and truest feelings.
And for that I deeply and sincerely regret.
I never had a chance to tell you how much I really adored you, loved you even…
And that I wanted to be yours until the end of the human race.
Nothing could have stopped me from loving you, Tyler. Not even if the whole world ended and I ended up perishing with it.
I feel as if I can’t love again. That I don’t have the capability of loving another human, to the extremity of how much I loved you.
I feel as if I won’t be able to move on, like a widow who just lost his/her husband to a terrible tragedy. Which, I will have to say, is completely how I felt.
I can’t move on, not whenever someone I deeply felt feelings for is gone.
Gone.
Dead and gone from my grasp, never to be heard from again.
I can’t perceive if this is the cold, harsh reality, or just a really troublesome, cold-sweat evoking nightmare that I can’t fully shake off until I wake up.
I’ve been trying to spark some faith in what religion I used to believe in. I tried to pray to God to let you in Heaven to be one with Him. I tried.
Why did I do this?
It’s only because I want to see you in Heaven, Love. Not in the fiery pits of Hell where the darkness who took you away reigns.
I cannot even begin to describe how much I need you.
Only to have you gone from the depths and wisps of my heart.
I pretty much can’t think straight.
I feel that one day I will end up praying and begging on my own hands and knees for death. Just to scrape off my own pain and suffering from this.
Tell me this is all but a terrible, painstaking nightmare. Not real.
I’m but shrouded in darkness.
I don’t want to suffer anymore.
Take me instead of him.
Put him back, and take me in.
I will vanquish those who have hurt you.
I will make sure that they never see the light of day again.
Love… who was it that hurt you?
Who was it that destroyed such a pure and impeccable soul?
Was it me?
Was it me who did such a horrible thing?
If that may be the case…
I’ll make sure that it is me who shall not once breathe, speak, or see the bright light of day again.
Love…?
I am sorry.
I could have saved you.
I wanted to tell you everything.
I could have prevented a life from being taken.
I could have done this and I could have done that, but now I truly can’t do anything…
Because you’re gone.