"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Hello! It’s almost two years since you were united with God. How are you? What it feels like to be in heaven? I know that’s the happiest and most peaceful place away from problems, desolations, and frustrations. I’m so delighted that you are now at perfect peace.

I penned this because I wanna talk to you through this letter. I miss you so much. I wish you are here with me in my most trying times. I have a lot of bitter-sweet stories to tell you, lolo.

There are numerous black holes flourished in my mind the moment I entered college life. I expecting this to happen, it feels like you are carrying a colossal baggage every day at your back. The galaxy-like color of the universe is disrupted with darkness. It’s slowly fading until completely gone. I’m relentlessly trying to execute my best in my studies every time we had quiz, assignments, recitations, and projects however, it sounds like my best wasn’t enough to grasp the remarks I want to achieve. I’m so broken. My academic performance is not anymore justifiable. I don’t know what’s happening. Sometimes, I get mad with myself for not reaching what was supposed to be passing. I envy those students who got high scores and grades. I’m frustrated. I’m disheartened. Why can’t I even do that? I’m dumb!
I should not mourn for my grades but that’s what I’m actually doing.
Some of my classmates experience the same. It breaks my heart to see them doubting themselves. I hate seeing them wearing their saddest frown because of getting failing grade. I want to do something to make them smile and forget those stupid grades for a while. Students must enjoy learning but the opposite one is clearly happening.

Lolo, I’m afraid to get terrible grades. My conscience is bothering me. I have to give justice to all the sweat that came out from my parents’ hardwork as a product of their sacrifice to have the money for me. I don’t want to waste their efforts. I have to pay them by giving them high grades. That’s the least thing that I can do but I can’t even make that simple thing. My anxiety is gradually killing me so bad. It’s poisoning my thoughts.

There are times that I would love to bring back the old times, to become child again and ride on your bicycle and just have some fun with you. The precious time you’re teaching me how to make various designs on palms for Palm Sunday and the time when we read books and newspapers together. I’ll treasure our memories forever. That’s a promise!

Mutter to all the angels and saints to aid me in my everyday battle in school. Lend me a hand to carry some of those hefty stuffs. Let them know my undertakings. Pleaseee, help me to bring back the confidence, the intelligence, the optimism, the enthusiasm, and the brightness in my mind, heart, and soul.

I’m regaining the lost power of mine. Don’t worry about me. I just wanna to burst out! My faith is perennial.

Lolo, guide me always.
Please visit me in my dream and whisper that I can do everything.

I love you to the heaven and back.