"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

hi baby, you’ve been gone for ten weeks and I miss you too much
I’m having a panic attack or maybe an embarrassment attack because I need to do something for college but I feel, once again, so inadequate
I feel like I don’t have any words I feel like I cant talk I feel like I cant say anything I feel like I’m gonna die I feel so bad and embarrassed and helpless and defeated and there’s nothing I can do about it
jack last night I was listening to a recording I made last year of m having a breakdown and at one point I heard your voice
you were in my recording and I’m so glad your voice was there but I feel so bad that it’s no longer here
yesterday I told mom that life is good and that I like living and that even though life is shit a lot of the time it is also beautiful and there’s a lot for me to do still and I said “because yes jack died, but that was only one day. he lived with us for nine years and that’s what I keep” but I’m not sure I believe this
I saw you for the last time 10 Fridays ago, I wish I still could hold you
all I want is for there to be an afterlife where I find you
where you greet me
and I can be happy again
march 20th, 2020
16:34