"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

I have been inspired by the book “Love Letters To The Dead” to start writing my own letters. The book definetly inspired me in many ways, I really wish was more of the kind of girl Laurel was but we cant all be great. In the book Laurel always says about how her and her sister are both fans but Im not the biggest fan, I mean I do like a number of songs, but with you its not so much about the music I love, its more about you as a person. I love how you treated people, and how you loved people, even if that is why you killed yourself; because you loved too much.
The last 15 years of my life have definetly been a struggle, starting with my mom. I havnt seen her in person in over two years, I dont have a big reason why other than that she dosnt make the best choices a lot of the time. Like for instance she hit me a few times on my 12th birthday. Also she smokes weed with people I used tobe friends with, I dont know I kust dont feel like Im at a place mentally where I can deal with her and all the drama she brings. I know that ounds terrible but I cant help it, thats how I feel.
Now that we have my lovely mother out of the way we can talk about my father. My dad is definetly not a whole ot better than my mom but he at least has a job and is able to support me. Even though he was always abusive to my mother and I when I was little he has change so Ive learned to overlook that, but sometimes I get really scared he is going to hit me, because he just gets so angry at me and I dont know what to do. Like for instance earler tonight I went to show him the rating on is favorite show Breaking Bad and when I paused the video he was watching on Youtube he got so enraged looking. I was honestly to scared for my safety, But I mean, what can I do? Nothing. I literally go to bed some nights crying because I upset him and he makes me feel like a failure, and I wish I had a better situation but I guess some people get a good hand of cards and some people get shitty ones, so i must just be one of the people who gets the shitty hands I guess. For a while I was thinking about running away from my dads because, he had a shitty wife and she had shitty kids, and the funny thing is that none of them liked me, they literally hated me. And even now that theyre divorced I kind of wished I had ran away, I just think of the life I could of had on my own. I mean all I really want to do is travel, even if I am a homebody. I just want to be on my own to smoke all the cigarettes I want and drink all the vodka I want. Maybe I would try to go to America, even if I am Canadian, who knows.
Even though I have a shitty living situation I do have a lot of good things in my life. Like my girlfriend, Kenadee is one of the best parts of my life, she always kows how to make me happy and she always can tell right away when I’m not all there, most of the time we have a really good realtionshp but sometimes I feel like shes only with me becase she thinks she wont be able to get anyone else, I dont think thats how Im supposed to feel. And sometimes she puts me down and makes me feel like total shit, but I always come back because I love her. I love her so much than she can ever imagine. And I feel like I can tell her anything, but sometimes when I do she jus seems like she dosnt care, even if its important and I know that se shouldnt act like that but I guess thats just how things are. People always tell me that if she really treats m like that then I should leave her, but I cant, there is always going to be something that makes me hang on, I think its that I just hope things will get better, but Im not sure if they will anymore.I mean we have been dating for almost 6 months.