"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

And it’s funny
because i thought i knew you
but it turns out i never knew you
never even had a glimpse.
and i get it
you’re growing up,
and you’re changing
but this isnt one of those times
where you stray so far
From where you’re supposed to be
and find yourself exactly where you’re meant to be,
no this is you straying into oblivion
and of course i’d go to hell and back to save you,
but you’re not letting me.
I dont know why,
maybe because you need to save yourself first,
but all i know is I’m beating on these walls
and knocking on all the doors
waiting for you to let me in
because you blocked me out
the one person i was sure wouldn’t
and it’s funny
because i let you in
i was deceived by your pretense of innocence
being young
doesnt make you innocent
i realized this now
i hoped i could save you from feeling everything
i’ve felt
the loneliness
the sadness
the feeling of not belonging
the feeling of being unloved
the feeling of everyone seeming better than you
but you didn’t let me.
I guess that’s my constant flaw.
i want to save the people
who don’t want to be saved,
the ones who enjoy being a walking travesty.
i dont know why i’m so addicted to this,
of getting my heart crushed,
but i find myself always coming back to the broken ones.
i thought you were different,
but you weren’t.
my only intention was to save you,
but you’re drowning yourself
and taking me with you
and I just don’t see how this is fair.
And the most unfair thing
is I will always care
while you’re getting drunk
and sneaking out with boys
and doing all the things
i never hoped you would,
i will be breaking.
because i can’t stand the sight
of a falling star.
Because
you were so bright
and i dont care if your friends do it
or if its fucking cool
or if it doesn’t even hurt you
because once you hold yourself to low standards
it impossible to get those standards back up
and im sorry
im sorry i cared so much
it’s just another flaw of mine
i got so attached
and i didn’t see you pushing me out
until the doors were already locked and
i know i should have seen it coming
because from the first time i met you
i knew i wasn’t going to let you change
but i was so deceived
and i can’t help
but to feel as if this is all my fault
and im sorry.
im sorry i couldn’t save you.
i guess the only reason ive resulted to saving other people
is because i cant even save myself
so i just keep this crappy self-esteem
and try to do things
that make me want to live
and im doing the bare minimum to save myself
because i don’t see why i need to be saved
especially because i failed you
and i keep failing everyone
and im sorry
im so sorry