December 14, 2016

Dear Charlie,

I know you’re not part of this and maybe you’re not even dead, maybe you are now just a grown man with kids and even grandchildren but I feel you’ll understand better.
I tried, I really did, not to be like you but at the end it wasn’t up to me, my brain doesn’t work all that well and I have no control over that but I’ve been trying to make a few thing differently now. I’m trying to get out of this zone I’m always in, I still haven’t had the chance of actually leave it but now I guess I get peaks of the outside and It looks so beautiful but beautiful on way that is also scary, like a porcelain doll. I made a promise of living beyond what people expect, now they’re letting me drive but you can still see at the back of their eyes that fear of me crashing on purpose again (seriously, I won’t, whenever I feel like that I simply walk) but it’s a huge step, not for me but for them, they are trusting in me again and that’s a lot. Yesterday I had a rough night, but I guess I was a able to since it was the third anniversary of his death, that’s why no one said anything about it. I’m doing better today, and I wanted to let you know that, because I feel you and I had a great connection and you made me feel like I wasn’t alone and I hope I made you feel the same… As for Laurel, If you read this, I hope you’re doing good, you deserve it. it’s funny, I feel like every single book character I’ve loved or feel identified by, lives in the same universe and are now hanging out together.

S.G.V
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