"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Merry Christmas!!! Huh? I don’t feel as cheery as I was awhile ago… Lol… Anyway… It’s Christmas again and it’s the fifth time ever that you’re not here to celebrate christmas with us. Five years of sucking it up… Can you believe that? There are so many thoughts in my head right now that it would be possible for me to write those all down and make it to a novel. I can’t stop thinking… I worry too much now that it’s christmas. It’s like something might happen again just like before… We had traumatic experiences in christmas… Honestly… I’m not sure if I’m excited or pessimistic about christmas. All we do now is go to reunions and be awkward around people… I really hope we get to meet our niece again, although I’m worried about our brother getting mad. Why does our life have to be so complicated? Even before when you were alive, our life was complicated. It was hard to truly open up to people… I feel really mixed up today… I don’t know if it’s an anxiety attack or just me being dramatic? I hope I’m not dramatic. Why am I talking to you? I shouldn’t have tried to write you a letter again. I’ll post it anyway. I don’t want to think about you this christmas. Please, leave me alone.