December 23, 2021

Arabella,

I remember when we first met, when Evan added me into that group chat and I got to meet you for the first time, I was afraid of you. Well, I was afraid of everyone, but I’d heard about you first, so I was scared I wasn’t going to make a good impression. But when we finally talked, it was like I was being welcomed into a family. You called me your daughter, and I called you my mother. We shared many interests, and we loved to bond about them, and then whenever I listened to Arctic Monkeys’ Arabella, my smile came from thinking about you.

I didn’t even get to say goodbye, and it took me 3 months to figure out that I actually had one more opportunity to, briefly, but I already thought you were gone. It took me even longer to get over it, and I’m still not over it. Initially, I thought that I wasn’t going to be in such a state over an online friend, but the loss of you wrecked me. I can’t stop thinking about you. I held every piece of conversation we’ve had in my hands, and now the amount will stay the same, forever. Sometimes I avoid listening to metal because it would just bring me back.

I’m so happy you were a part of my life, there is not a single day where I regret meeting you. You can’t give me a tour of your hometown like you said you would anymore, but I know you would be all around me once I visit on my own. I love you, mum. I carry your protective heart and passion in mine.

Sela.
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