"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

I try. I do. Maybe I am an “edge lord” or whatever you say. Maybe I say these things because I actually like them AND because it MIGHT get me the attention I crave from all of you people who I TRY to fit in with and be kind to and include. But you never include me. I know you aren’t dead. And I don’t necessarily want you to be dead to me. So I’m sorry that I am not fitting the purpose. “Who cares if one more light goes out?” – Linkin Park. I don’t think that you care about mine. One of you actually cares about me but I am trying to tell you that I need you to SHOW ME. Only three or four people even messaged me while I was gone from school for almost three weeks because I was hospitalized for trying to kill myself. And then YOU. I love you, but I hated you in this moment. I sent notes to my boyfriend and closest friend while I was in the hospital. I couldn’t contact anyone else. I get out and text YOU because I haven’t talked to you and I want to. And you DON’T message me back, you message him and TELL HIM that you think that I should have messaged him. I am crushed right now. I am CRUSHED. He has to tell me whenever I feel doubtful that you actually do care about me. And now we broke up because he has doubts of his own because of his mind and I don’t think that that helped. He wanted to take a break because he thought that we weren’t spending enough time together. My mom thinks that he disrespected me. I am trying but I will never fit in. There are so many people that like me and are nice, but I am ALWAYS a back-up. It’s not fair. Why me? WHY ME? I try to be a good person. And everyone says that I am really nice. But I am obnoxious and annoying and too much and an “edge lord” and I can’t take it anymore. I just can’t. You know I was feeling really good today? I haven’t seen any of you in over a week. I won’t see any of you until Wednesday. And as muh as it will hurt, I am going to try to ignore everyone because besides, whenever I try to talk to anyone I just interrupt the “nice” conversation with my extraness. I’m sorry for being myself and being…I don’t even know how you see me.