"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

It has been 7 years. 7 years since you left. 7 years since you went away. 7 years since you died yet it feels like just yesterday I said my final goodbye to you. It feels like just yesterday that I saw tears coming down your face when I had to say goodbye and leave. It feels like just yesterday that I came home from a school trip to DC only to find out that you died while I was gone. It feels like just yesterday that I cried myself to sleep in mom’s arms because you were gone. But it wasn’t yesterday. It was 7 years ago.
Honestly, Dad, I blame myself for you dying even though I know it is not my fault. I had yelled at you the day before you went into the hospital. I had cussed at you and wished you were dead. I didn’t know what was in the cards and what would unfold. I had been leaving little letters for weeks saying that you could let go and leave us. I knew how weak you were becoming. I knew you weren’t going to be here for much longer. I wish I could take back what I said. I wish I could cuddle in your arms one last time and watch a Dodgers game together again. If only I could undo what I said. If only I could know that you forgive me for the horrible things I said.
They say it gets better and that it gets easier to deal with death and people not being here anymore but honestly it doesn’t. It doesn’t get easier. Sometimes it feels like it gets harder and harder. Sometimes it feels like my life will never be okay and that I will always have a hole in my heart. It feels like there will always be a void in my life. You won’t be there to walk me down the aisle at my wedding or to hold your new grandchildren. You won’t be there to cheer as I walk across the stage at my college graduation just like you weren’t there for my middle school or high school graduation either. I hope I am making you proud. I hope you are always looking down on me. I hope that you are loving me and protecting me.
I miss you so much and I love you…every single day.