"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

hi lola long time no see! i think it has been almost 7 months since you left us, almost a year ago when someone called mom from your hometown saying that you were sent to the hospital because you were vomiting. it feels like it was yesterday, everything that happened from that moment until now feels like yesterday. recently, i keep on forgetting things like where i put my glasses, what was i about to do in this room, etc. however, i keep remembering every second of what happened since last dec until your funeral this january. pretty weird, but i guess it’s just a way of my brain reminding me that it’s okay to feel sad with these memories. uh anyways update: ( i already sent you this via your email but i’m feeling extra today) i’m on my senior year this school year !! ( i surprisingly passed 11th grade yay) i know you want me to go to UP like your other grandchildren but i don’t think i can take the college exam this year due to the pandemic—it’s too hassle. and also, i don’t think mommy has the luxury to send two of her children to UP since obviously, i don’t think i could get a scholarship. but i will try if i can enroll there for my second year !!! i know you had your favorites but over the years of growing up with you as my guardian, i felt lots of love from you and i feel like you’re already proud of where i am right (hopefully haha). and yes, lola, i am still single. everyone of your grandchildren are haha. i miss talking to you, i still can’t believe you’re really really gone. when i saw you getting buried, i was still hoping everything was a prank lowkey. i was hoping you would come back home and say “sike”. but months passed, and everything was still like that. i guess i really didn’t feel like you’re really gone because of the pandemic, we really can’t go out. so it feels like you’re just also there at your home being quarantined. i think i just missed you a little extra tonight because i missed your video calls. especially, your calls where you would just ask what’s our food for today. i miss your food so much. i miss you everyday, lola. hope you are drinking heaps of wine up there and a lot of chickenjoy (since you can now enjoy it). i wish i could talk to you longer before you died. i just wish i visited you that day before you went into a coma. but what’s done was done, maybe i needed that distraction before i went by the next day to see you sleeping in the ICU. but i just wished i got to talk to you before you went.