"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Hey grandma. (mother’s side). I miss you. I do. Even though we’re not close like your favorite grandson and grand daughter which are my cousins. I’m so sorry if I was the only one who didn’t cry at your funeral. I want to but I just can’t. I’m so broken inside honestly. I’m so broken by the people who hurt me and left me without saying goodbye or telling any reason why they left. I was tired of crying that I felt my heart has turned into stone. I want to cry. I want to cry in front of your dead body but I just can’t, I really don’t know why. I’m so hurt, I’m trying to be strong everyday. I always talk to my diary (not literally, I meant write). It’s good to have a diary around you, so that you can express your feelings and lessen the burden that you’re carrying. That’s what I always do grandma, but still there’s missing, I don’t know what it is but it’s making me sad. It’s makes me want to kill myself again. If it wasn’t for music for sure I’m dead. You know what grandma, how I wish you can take me with you. I think it’s nice there, the place where you are now, I think it’s peaceful in there and people in there don’t feel sadness, loneliness and don’t get depressed. How I wish I can but I just can’t leave everyone here in the world, I can’t leave my parents and my baby brothers that I loved so much. It would be so selfish of me to do the ‘suicide thing’ it’s not good, I know. Please grandma, even if I’m not your favorite, please look after me and help me from all the challenges that I’m facing right now and for the upcoming battles. I’m hoping that I can endure everything little by little and become strong after. I miss you and I’m sorry for making you cry once, I wasn’t referring to you, it wasn’t you that I wanted to hurt but I don’t know why you cried at that time and I felt so guilty. I didn’t even say sorry to you in person. I love you grandma and I’m sorry, I mean it. It’s too late, I know. Thanks anyway grandma, for giving me a great mom. Hoping I can be like mom someday or better than her, much stronger and a fighter.

Yours,
Grand daughter