"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

I had a dream about you last night- not that that’s unusual- you feature in a lot of my dreams. And you know about them (some) – I have really long movie-like dreams every night. Except they are nearly all nightmares now and I woke up this morning shaking and felling so ripped up inside. I can’t deal with those mornings-I have to shut everything away and try to wrap myself up with walls so that it doesn’t show.
You’re not dead- though there was a time when I was scared shitless that you might be. I honestly don’t know what I’d do if you had committed- actually that’s a lie, I would be in pieces so small I don’t think that they could be put back together.
My dreams are so long it would take a long time to tell every bit of them- and that’s the worst part of them- I can remember every bit of every nightmare and they haunt me all through the day.
It was at a party (I think) we were all drinking but I remember being pleased because it didn’t seem to have affected me (in a bad way). Towards the end of the dream everyone was smoking weed but they were the other side of this thick metal fence and I wanted to go too. You gave me some of your weed but I couldn’t smoke it until I was the other side of the fence and the only way to get round was a really long route on a cart that once you got on you couldn’t get off. Hannah and I were going to go but the realised that what if we wanted to get off; so we decided not to.
The booze was good so I went back to go and get my bottle. Everyone was up on a hill later and I looked around for you but I couldn’t see you. I didn’t think much of it then. Later, you mum came (to get you I suppose) and I remember feeling sad that you were going. No one could find you so I went to go and look and ended up back at the weed place. It was like one of those skateboard parks with concrete everywhere. It was pretty dark by now and no one else was there but you. I came towards you and you looked so lost and angry. You threw a baseball at a tree and shouted. Then you sank to the floor and went ‘oh shit’ and just repeated that and thing that didn’t make any sense.
I hugged you and just repeated your name but.
You broke and then the light went out in your face and nothing I did make any difference to you. I had to rip myself away from you, screaming and crying to go get help and so I found Hannah and told her to go back to you and then went to get your mum.
I think I woke up soon after that.

There is a deep jagged hole inside of me and just as I try to heal it; it gets ripped open again and every time it gets more ragged and unrecognisable; harder to sew back up.
You make it that little bit better and when you’re there I cant feel the burn of the cut so much at all.
Don’t ever leave me because I need you more than you know.