"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

I know you’re not dead, but my love for you is. Every minute with you was so joyous, and every time I saw you my stomach did a million flips. But that’s not there anymore. I now realize that the entire time I loved, I wasn’t loving myself. I neglected my needs and the needs of everyone around me. I lied to myself and I would make myself believe you felt the same way, but now that I have had time away from you, I realized that wasn’t love. It was obsession. I was obsessed with you because you were one of the only boy who didn’t like me. I needed you. And because of you, I ruined my relationships with a lot of people. I remember learning your schedule, your birthday, your full name, and everything about you. And I thought about it, and you are a horrible person. You always put down the people around you and point out the insecurities. You make rape jokes and say disgusting things about your friends. You never think about what you’re about to say. And yes, maybe i am a horrible person too. But I don’t care. You caused me pain, anxiety, and anger. There was even a time I could feel anything for anyone but you, because I was so determined to have you. I really hope Claire gets out of that relationship with you, and I hope she finds someone who deserves her more. If i typed all that I really wanted to type, this letter would go on forever, so I will cut it off, it’s finally time, it’s the day I have been dreading, but it was bound to get here.So, after everything, I’m saying goodbye. I’m saying goodbye to the dreams of us together. I’m saying goodbye to crying over you. I’m saying goodbye to being a horrid person to every girl I saw even talk to you. I’m sorry I bullied you. I’m sorry I was terrible to your girlfriend, Claire, who did nothing to me. I’m saying goodbye to all of the negative feelings. I’m letting go of the past, and moving on to my future. It’s time for me and you to part ways.
Here is the apology to my past self. I’m sorry that I didn’t get us the dream relationship we had wished to have with him. I’m sorry me and Jaxson aren’t gonna get our happy ending with our 4 kids and 2 dogs. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to make your dreams come true. I’m sorry I put us through all that pain just for this. But you’re welcome for this learning experience. You’re welcome for giving us a reminder that we’re important. You’re welcome for allowing us to learn that we are important too.

Goodbye past me.
Goodbye Jaxson Chavez.