"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Life’s honestly so crazy. I think your death really scarred me. From the moment you were put in your casket to the moment they laid your resting body 6 feet under I can’t remember a thing. The day of your funeral is just such a faint memory of mines and i can only re-live it through the experiences others had that day. I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing yet. I’m just so oblivious to all of it. I know mom puts on the act as it doesn’t hurt her to think about you anymore but your death left a whole in the hearts of all of us. Mom talks about how that horrid day we all had to watch you go under i couldn’t leave your casket alone. Nobody but me and her were allowed to get near your little blue casket with cars stickers on it. That’s the only detail I remember. You were such a beautiful little boy Lex. I know you wanted to live but your body was just too frail. After everything happened i remember hating grocery stores. The scanning noise of the scanner and the sound of your heart monitor sounded too alike and it’d literally send e into panic attacks. I hated it. I remember when all dad wanted to do was keep you alive but you were slipping in and out of consciousness so often the doctors couldn’t leave your side all day and your heart would need to be restarted all the time. You were too little to be struggling like that. That’s why mom agreed to pulling the plug. I hope you feel no hate towards her for that. I know she loved you more than all of us,it was really hard for her. I feel like her connection to you was that it was obvious you looked like her in comparison to me and Mia who look like dad.To this day we all know we’re missing a Pabon in the house. It was heartbreaking when we moved. The site of your burial is so far from home and we can’t go visit you anymore, it’s not that we forgot. We miss you so much. Just know that one day we’ll meet again. Not too soon,but before you know it we’ll all be together again.