"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Sometimes when I enter my password on my phone I get this heavy weight on my chest. I know its sadness. I know its the weight of missing someone I didn’t know. I know its you.
On the last night of the year, I cried with Alan in a bedroom, far away from the party downstairs because we aren’t strong enough to ignore the pain of not having you in our lives. I never had the chance to meet you, never knew your smile or your laugh, but I know your love. I know it because it is in the way my dad hugs my tight on holidays and reads at your grave. I know it because it is in the way all of your children take care of each other. I know it because they won’t forget it.
I wonder who I would be if you were here, with me, experiencing everything that has happened. I wonder if you would have been happy when I was born, the only girl. I wonder if I would have learned to be happy sooner.