"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Wow. It’s been forever hasn’t it? Mom lied to me about the way you died – it was probably just for protection and I know she didn’t mean to lie but it was probably better for me anyways – I was young when it happened. I remember the night my dad told me the truth – which frankly my mom doesn’t know about – still. I want to ask her about it but I’m too afraid she’ll get upset. I mentioned you in therapy a while ago – I would rather talk to you anyways. I don’t remember a lot about you – my dad didn’t like you that much he didn’t like grandma either – he said it was your fault you two split apart. I don’t think it was your fault. I remembered how kind you were – how caring – I was young and I’d occasionally spill things on your carpet – it’s probably my most vivid memory of you – I remember spilling Coke or some type of soda on your carpet – my mom instantly yelled at me – told me how I wasn’t careful enough and when I started to cry you got upset with my mom and comforted me – you cleaned the carpet and went along with your day. I suppose it wasn’t a big deal but it meant a lot. When you get old you never failed to buy me toys and stuffed animals and things along those lines – I still have that dinosaur you gave me – i still sleep with it – it’s the one thing that reminds me of you. I wish I could talk to you one more time – seriously though I have so many questions. I want to ask my mom if you left a note – and I’m too afraid to ask. I’m not sure what I’m afraid of though – my mom or reading it. I mentioned you to my language arts teacher the other day also – she tried to explain to me why people did commit suicide – I didn’t know how to tell her that I’d felt that way before and I didn’t need an explanation – I’m too afraid to do a lot of things now. I want to know why you did it – i want to know all the small details – what gun did you use – what time was it – how bad were you hurting? Maybe that all sounds morbid but I want to know everything about you. Maybe we could’ve helped eachother. We’re quite similar now that I think about it. I don’t believe my mom when she tells me that you weren’t a good man. I don’t think I ever will because all I can remember is how loved you made me feel. The only reason I’m even a Christian is because of you – honestly the whole God part doesn’t really make sense to me. I just kind of want to know that when I die I have somewhere to go. Hopefully you’ll be there. You’re also the reason I’m still alive. thank you I suppose. Maybe I’ll see you sometime soon – I don’t know how much longer I can hold up .