"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

there are simply no words to describe how it feels now. i used to think the world of you. i was without a shadow of doubt, a papa’s girl. you were my favorite person in the whole world when i was a kid, and now you’re gone and i have no idea how to be with okay with that. i am now 23, almost 24 years old. you left when i was 13, almost 14. you missed out on so much of my life. i remember when you passed, it was october 2, 2009, a friday. i was taking a nap after school and my phone kept vibrating on my chest, mama was calling me. i answered the phone in a sleepy haze, and she said “papa passed away…” i was quiet. she spoke again, “do you understand?” i don’t remember much after that. i would not even dare to look at you in your casket, and i avoided looking at you at all cost, and now i wish i could have gotten one last glance at you, but i didn’t want to remember you that way. the last time i saw you, you were smiling, laughing, and cooking on the grill. those are my last images of you in your khaki shorts and blue and white striped short sleeves, white socks and white tennis shoes, and your bifocals on. the day of your funeral, it was like my brain did not want to process your passing, so instead it was like you went on a long mission trip and you would be gone for a while. The past two, almost three years, my brain is just now processing your death and it comes in waves and i feel like i can’t stop the crying for hours because i miss you so much. so much i need to tell you, so much you missed out on. i just wish i could hug you tight one more time and never let you go.