April 13, 2018

Dear River,

It’s funny how you affect me in such a positive way and you aren’t even in my generation. You are pretty much all I can think about lately and how I wish there was a way I could go back in time to say hello and shake your hand, or hug you and say thank you for what you, as a person, has done for me. I believe you didn’t want to go. I believe you wanted to live. You just got caught up in the moment with everything going on around you and drugs were everything. You did them thinking it was okay but you felt something and you knew, and that makes me believe you didn’t want to go. Selfishly, I wish you would’ve said no. Stopped your fun even if you thought you were going to be okay. Selfishly, we all think that. We love you and… selfishly, we miss you. That probably hurts everyone who is gone to see people miss them, but I can’t help to think it. Think about how life would be different if you were here. Or, how far you would’ve made it. Or, how many more lives you could’ve changed.
I mean… you aren’t even here and you’ve changed lives everywhere.
So imagine you were here, and that’s where I become more selfish and say I want you here.
I need you here.
I wish, I could go back to 1993 and try and prevent it. I mean people upon people did things, but for some reason you were negatively affected. We all were. I wish I could.
I obviously don’t know you as a person, but there’s something I felt since the beginning, that I’ve really never felt with anyone else. Somehow in someway I believe we connect on a spiritual level, and you as an actor, and you as a person that was… is so inspiring, helped me. How? I don’t know. It’s like my eyes were opened to so many more things. But I feel something when I listen to you talk about things, or how you cared so much,and how you were just this really down to earth person and I wish you hear or see this. I believed you are happy where you are, but I also believed you would’ve made life a whole lot better for yourself, and others, as time went on. I believe where you are is special, and that’s okay. If you are happy then I’m okay. I want to say thank you for everything.
We miss you, River.
And I love you.
Always
And
Forever

Sincerely Yours, Lana
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