"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

You died five years ago, today. You didn’t know. You didn’t see all the beautiful things that were going to be in your future. You were clouded with thoughts from the past and they blinded you. You were scared, you were young, you were numb. I wish I could have done more and I know Craig yelled and told me it was all my fault you were gone and for the longest time, I believed it. But I know its not true. I feel you still. I feel your comforting presense and I know youre watching out for me, and trust me I need it. I love you. You were my first best friend, you were the first person to listen to me, you were the first person to tell me to stay strong. I wish you could have stayed strong, but its ok. Its ok to break. Its ok. It wasnt your fault. Nothing was your fault. You just wanted freedom, and its ok. I miss you. I miss your laugh and your smile and your songs and your hugs. I miss you so much. Im in Hawaii now, lol right? Who woulda thought little old chrissy would end up here. Its hard still. I was raped back in California. I had a miscarriage. I really hurt. But youre here, and i know youd hug me and tell me to stay strong. I wish i could have just one more conversation. Which is why I am writing this I guess. Everyone will see it, but you wont. This may be pointless and I know i should let it go but goddamnit shane i fucking miss you. You left me and you promised you never would you promised me and i do hate you for that. But I understand. I understand wanting to leave this shithole of a place. But I wish you could have smelled a few more roses and danced to a few more songs before you left. I love you. Im staying strong. I promise.