"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

My love, it’s been 320 days since your tragedy. I mark the calendar for every day you’ve been gone, since December 25th, 2019 I haven’t heard from your outrageous personality. I miss you more than anything. When I figured out I had lost you I dropped to my knees and begged that it was a lie. It has been really hard without you Tay. I wake up every morning wishing you were here, the day I figured out you were gone I begged to differ the facts. You were my best friend and it sucks that you are no longer here with me physically. I know that you’re with me everyday; in my head, in my mind, in my presence. I always get a happy feeling when i’m at school or in our hangout place. I get a feeling that you’re with me walking, laughing, smiling. Every day I walk past our English class from our freshman year and look inside and I see you there laughing. I know that what I am saying might sound crazy but it’s true. I loved you Tay, you know that. From the days when I was upset, to the days I was the happiest. When I was upset you always brought me my favorite snack or gave me your nasty coffee. All the times we got yelled at in English class, to all the times we never did work to catch up on each other’s lives. It was all worth it. Every single morning we would meet up outside and walk across the parking lot and go into the neighborhood just to be dumb. Your amazing hugs every single morning. It’s all gone now and I can’t believe it. After I lost you I had known that there was going to be doubt in my life forever. After you had passed I became numb; I couldn’t cry, I couldn’t smile, I couldn’t eat, I didn’t have the energy to do anything. I didn’t want to do it without you. I couldn’t do it without you. I couldn’t go to any sports games of mine because I knew I would never get a “good luck love, do your best. Oh wait you are the best. I love you, be careful” every again. It hurt so bad to accept the fact that nothing was ever going to be the same without you. I’m never going to get a random call from you asking “will you give me the answers”, or “let me come over”, or “go to the rink” or “wanna do something crazy”. I’m never going to get those calls again. It hurts so bad to accept that but I know that I have to. Taylor Marie Crandell I love you so much and I miss you so much, I just want to be able to see you one last time and say bye to you.

To anyone reading this, never forget to say I love you to a loved one. You never know when your last time will be with them is.