"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

It’s been a while since I’ve written to you, my love. I had the pleasure to read Love Letters to the Dead this weekend and, to be honest, at first I was only going to read it because I saw your name in one of the pages… but it ended up being a pretty good book.

The thing is, River, that I felt angry when I saw that Laurel was writing to you. I usually feel like that everytime someone mentions you, but it really pisses me off, because… because, it’s like they’re taking you away from me. Like you’re being stolen. It’s really stupid because I didn’t really know you and I know that you’d hate those kind of things if you were alive or something like that, but I can’t help it. I have known you since I was ten years old and now that I’m almost eighteen you’re still on my mind everyday.

I don’t want this to sound like the typical fan letter because I know you’ve received many of them and I want to make a difference, but at the end, I’m still a fan. But I feel different. I feel like… like I’m one of those who can’t be over you at all. It’s not normal to cry over someone who died so long ago just for seeing him on a picture but I still do, you know? For some reason, you hurt me, River. You hurt me like nobody else did and in every way possible, because I’ve tried to replace you with so many other great actors and singers and whatever but you still have the biggest place on my heart, and it sucks. I still get angry at those who talk about you but I don’t want you to be forgotten because you don’t deserve it. I still get angry at you for no reason at all. For not being there, I guess. Most of all, I’m angry at those who helped you stay sick. If someone could’ve helped you, maybe you wouldn’t be dead right now. I try to get angry at Keanu sometimes because I know how much you loved each other and I remind myself he could’ve done something to keep you away from drugs but I can’t really hate him because I know he made you happier than anyone.

I don’t know what I’m saying, River. I guess I’ll always have mixed emotions about you because I promise you I love you but I am very mad at you too. I wish you were here so I wouldn’t have to deal with all of this.

When I was ten years old you were a reason for me to smile. Now you’re someone who makes me cry almost every night and I don’t know how to get rid of this. But I do love you, Rio. I do love you.

PS. See, I chose one of your pictures with Keanu. You kinda look like a kitten and he kinda looks happy. I liked it when you guys were happy.