"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

I still remember the day I heard about you passing away like it was yesterday. Never did I think I would lose my step-brother. I was at cheer camp when I got told you were gone. I could not even except the fact that it was true, it didnt seem right. My heart sunk and I had no words to even come out of my mouth, I just felt the tears running down my face. I wish I got the chance to have one more full family dinner with you there or even vacation. You made those so much more memorible. I miss seeing you´re smile when I walked into my dads house. I still listen to you´re songs all the time and I wish you would´ve got to go farther with them. You´re so talented at it. No holidy has been the same at dads since you left, I always feel like theres a piece missing. I loved when you danced in the middle of the kitchen to any song that came on while our parents were cooking. We still talk about you all the time. I hate that I never got to say goodbye to you, I ... Read more

You died when I was around 10 it was sad and messed me up emotionally. I feel like you were more like my support animal then just a dog you were weak and very sick before you died and I wish you didn’t have to go through that because no dog deserves to be in pain. You were a very loving dog and a lot of people enjoyed having you around you somehow always knew when someone was sad or hurt and you always knew how to help. Its been around 6 years since you died and I got a new dog but nothing could replace the memories and you following me around all the time.

I know I never really got to know you since you passed when I was only a few months old but I miss you even though I don’t remember you. Dad was really messed up after you died; it changed him or ,well, that’s what my mom tells me, how he acted after was one of the reasons they split up actually. I’ve never lived with my dad before, after they split I was always with my mom and it’s been that way for 15 years until just recently. Now that I had to move up here with him it’s not great, I mean there are good days and maybe it’s everything else but I miss home and I don’t know what to do. I was always told you were the best listener and with advice so I wish you were still around to help me. I’m struggling right now, for the first time my grades are dropping and I’ve stopped caring about myself, nothing is going my way and I’m scared because I’m completely lost and I can’t bring myself to talk about it with anyone. I guess I got that from you huh? It’s the strangest thing ya ... Read more

I remember the day you left like it was yesterday. I remember coming home from school and seeing the look on dads face and it told me it all. I felt my heart sink, i had never felt like that before. Its almost been 3 years, things haven’t changed or gotten better. There’s so many questions i have and things i want to say to you but i would be typing forever. You were my best friend, my little brother, and my favorite person to be around. I wish you could see how far I’ve come in life. I miss you more than anything. I miss going to target and pushing you around in a cart up and down the isles. I miss you waking me up every morning. I miss how caring and loving you were. You were and are the strongest person I know. I’m sorry things ended how they did. It wasn’t your time to go, you were just a baby. One day I hope to see you again, even if its for a second. I would do anything to hold you in my arms one last time. I’ve learned to realize that you are gone and ... Read more

My love, it’s been 320 days since your tragedy. I mark the calendar for every day you’ve been gone, since December 25th, 2019 I haven’t heard from your outrageous personality. I miss you more than anything. When I figured out I had lost you I dropped to my knees and begged that it was a lie. It has been really hard without you Tay. I wake up every morning wishing you were here, the day I figured out you were gone I begged to differ the facts. You were my best friend and it sucks that you are no longer here with me physically. I know that you’re with me everyday; in my head, in my mind, in my presence. I always get a happy feeling when i’m at school or in our hangout place. I get a feeling that you’re with me walking, laughing, smiling. Every day I walk past our English class from our freshman year and look inside and I see you there laughing. I know that what I am saying might sound crazy but it’s true. I loved you Tay, you know that. From the days when I was upset, to the days I was the ... Read more

You left when I least expected and I didn’t get to say goodbye, so I wanted to clear up some things. I just feel like I’m going to explode if I don’t let it out. It’s hard to comprehend that you’ve finally grown your wings, sometimes the pain of it all makes me want to shout. I can’t remember a day without you. But since you’ve left me, that day is every day. We used to be stuck together like glue. When we were young you would always want to play. We grew up together, constantly at each other’s side. I guess that’s why I wrote this letter, to expose the feelings I’ve been trying to hide. You always got what you wanted, maybe because you were so spoiled. But to be honest that made us more bonded because we were always so coiled. But as we both started to get older, things started to go a little downhill. It seemed like you did not remember, but deep down I knew that you always will. From going to the park together to just tuning in our endless imagination. I hated it when I had to leave you with Heather if ... Read more

I wish you could have seen me one last time. I would have loved to tell you how everything was going here in the states, face-to-face rather than on the phone. The thing I regret most is always shying away from talking to you when it came to the phone calls. My grandma would tell us how much you miss us everytime she came for a visit. If I knew it’d be the last time I’d see you, I would have been there talking to you for hours. The only memory I can recall from my trip (years ago) is you watching me dance in the traditional dress you adored. Thank you for the gifts and the bits of memories. I wish nothing more than to cherish those forever. I’m sorry I never took the time to talk to you when I had the chance. I was so selfish for not wanting to accept every update my mom would receive in your final days. I couldn’t remember much of you, and I didn’t want to have sad memories attached to your final moments. I hope you understand. My mom and I miss you, so much. Especially my mom. She ... Read more

It has been almost six years since I lost you. Six years since I lost my best friend and biggest supporter. Six years since I lost a part of my heart and soul. People will always tell you that it gets better, but the truth is the pain and anger never goes away. When you passed away who I was started to slowly fade away. I lost my confidence, my hope, and the person you taught me to be. I struggled for a while to understand why. Why you? Why me? Why would a 10 year old little girl’s mom be taken away from her? I spent a lot of my time asking these questions over and over again and feeling guilty. I was so angry and hurt about your passing that I forgot who I was. It came to a point where I didn’t want to get out of bed in the morning. I didn’t want to eat and I couldn’t sleep. Sometimes I felt like I couldn’t breath, like the pain was too much to handle. Then one day I realized you wouldn’t want me to live like this. You would want me to be happy and ... Read more

I miss you more and more every day every hug every joke no matter how small I miss all the little things. Why does cancer have to be a thing? I have lost so many people from it but I would have never thought it would have taken my best friend, my uncle but really my dad, my big teddy bear, and my chef. Who is going to make me all of those delicious meals nobody can compare to you. Nobody’s food tastes even close to as good as yours did. Whenever I get a meal placed in front of me I always wonder so many things. How could Uncle Scott have made this better? Would Uncle Scott have made fun of how this is made? Would have he even liked it? If he did like it would he still ask for the chef and tell him it was good and tell him the things that would make it better? Some days I wish that he didn’t even have gotten skin cancer in the beginning so it wouldn’t have turned into brain cancer. But other days I wonder if we caught skin cancer earlier ... Read more

I miss you more and more each day. It’s been two years this April 6th. Sometimes I just lay awake at night talking to you like you are just sitting at the end of my bed. I wish I would have been better. I wish I would have called you more and called you every day while you were in the hospital because you were just scared and we all know you hated the hospital. I never eat french toast anymore because no one tastes like yours honestly. At grandpa Larry’s funeral, you didn’t leave my side at all. You stayed with me and handed me tissues and rubbed my back. I really needed you at your own funeral. Seeing you laying in the coffin felt surreal. I couldn’t believe it. You weren’t even 60 yet. It was just so much. You treated me like I was your biological granddaughter and it meant a lot to me as and kid when we would play old maid or go fish. I’m still mad you let me win. I remember we would blow chocolate milk bubbles when grandpa Kieth wasn’t in the kitchen because was nervous I would spill. the milk. I ... Read more