"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

I miss you more and more every day every hug every joke no matter how small I miss all the little things. Why does cancer have to be a thing? I have lost so many people from it but I would have never thought it would have taken my best friend, my uncle but really my dad, my big teddy bear, and my chef. Who is going to make me all of those delicious meals nobody can compare to you. Nobody’s food tastes even close to as good as yours did. Whenever I get a meal placed in front of me I always wonder so many things. How could Uncle Scott have made this better? Would Uncle Scott have made fun of how this is made? Would have he even liked it? If he did like it would he still ask for the chef and tell him it was good and tell him the things that would make it better? Some days I wish that he didn’t even have gotten skin cancer in the beginning so it wouldn’t have turned into brain cancer. But other days I wonder if we caught skin cancer earlier ... Read more

I miss you more and more each day. It’s been two years this April 6th. Sometimes I just lay awake at night talking to you like you are just sitting at the end of my bed. I wish I would have been better. I wish I would have called you more and called you every day while you were in the hospital because you were just scared and we all know you hated the hospital. I never eat french toast anymore because no one tastes like yours honestly. At grandpa Larry’s funeral, you didn’t leave my side at all. You stayed with me and handed me tissues and rubbed my back. I really needed you at your own funeral. Seeing you laying in the coffin felt surreal. I couldn’t believe it. You weren’t even 60 yet. It was just so much. You treated me like I was your biological granddaughter and it meant a lot to me as and kid when we would play old maid or go fish. I’m still mad you let me win. I remember we would blow chocolate milk bubbles when grandpa Kieth wasn’t in the kitchen because was nervous I would spill. the milk. I ... Read more

Why must have things ended so tragically? I was in my adolescence, it was so youthful and innocent, yet simultaneously grim. I can’t help but ponder about the father figure I lost at a young age, ‘what would he think about me now?’ ‘did he truly ever love me?’ ‘why did he leave me?’. The alcohol had taken you over and devastated your soul into a never-ending road of harmful reliance. My mom would hide me from all troubles, sending me to my cousins and grandparent’s house frequently. Frequent excursions to Kings Island and wherever she thought would be adequate for escape. When you died, it felt like nothing changed, I would just live my normal days at my old elementary school, talking with friends, playing at recess, and continuing on as if nothing had ever happened. My mom had sent me to therapy a few times around that time. I remember the lady every session would give me a chart in where I would mark how sad I was/how much I missed you and I would just act like I had an extreme longing, and by each and every session, make my supposed “grief” less and less until I ... Read more

When you died I was only 11 and you were the first person I have witnessed pass in my family and it was a very different experience. Brandon and Tori miss you a lot, so do all of us but especially Brandon, and seeing you guys get so close later in your life was awesome to see and witness. I miss coming over and watching the Buckeyes on Saturdays and seeing how focused on the TV you were when they played and how into the game you were. I have never met a bigger fan of them, until Brandon. I think your passing really made him love them that much more just because of how much you used to. I also wanted to ask, what happened? Who hit you? Why did you fall into the coma? Your brother misses you so much, he was devastated because you guys were so close and he loved you so much. I think your passing tore Troy up so much that he couldn’t handle it and we think he died because of that too. My grandpa talks about you sometimes and tells me stories about when you guys were kids, and how athletic you ... Read more

I knew you pretty much my entire life. I hung out at your house a lot since we lived right down the street and I loved being there. My favorite memories with you always seem to have something embarrassing in them, I guess you brought that out. It always felt like we were doing something so fun and were taking a far trip when we were allowed to walk down to your house to play and I really enjoyed those times. I don’t remember when you got sick or when they told me that you had Cancer but I do remember that you didn’t look like yourself. We didn’t hang out as much (With my cousin) considering you had moved and all but even after it seemed as if we weren’t making those terribly embarrassing memories. I remember when you were admitted to the hospital, my sister and mom went to visit you and it broke my sisters heart seeing you like that. I never got to visit you in the hospital because of school, I don’t know whether that’s a good thing or not because I don’t know if I could have seen you like that. I don’t remember ... Read more

I know you’re going to read this and think, “She’s so stupid, I’m not dead.” I’m not stupid, I can literally see you right in front of me. So, I’m writing this to you as if you were dead. As if you weren’t here anymore, just so you can hear what I have to say before you go. Which hopefully isn’t on your own time. Okay, here we go. You were my best friend. The person who I go to whenever there is a problem, or the person that I would go to just for a laugh. It’s hard to believe you’re gone. Everyone always says, “Give it time,” but I can’t. Who can I walk with to class everyday with and laugh and make fun of people? Who can I randomly laugh at from across the classroom. Who can I cheat on APUSH tests with by using ASL? I don’t think I could ever do that with anyone but you. You were everything to me. I can never forget Spanish II our freshman year. We were idiots basically. I mean granted, we did do just fine, but we were still extremely stupid. I loved eating with you, or ... Read more

I’m really sorry that we never met. As I grow older I think of you more and more. I hear about how good of a person you were, god never should’ve taken you the way he did. I love hearing stories about you, even though I haven’t heard many. I want to ask more but it hurts everyone too much to tell. From what I heard I think we would’ve gotten along very well. My dad always tells me how you would’ve loved us. Once a year the family goes to a special mass just for you. I wished I would have served it when I had the option, I’m sorry that I said no. I hate myself when I start to become jealous of everyone that had the opportunity to meet you. I get angry that cancer took you before we even had the chance to meet. I think about if you’ve watched us all grow up over the years. My life would have been much different if you were there with me. Whenever I pass by your picture on the shelf I climb on the couch to take it down. I hold it ... Read more

It went from you sitting at my lunch table, to us being best friends. We immediately clicked. No one understood my like you did. We laughed together about the stupidest things. It was like your were my meant to be best friend. Even though you aren’t actually dead, our friendship is. You meant everything to me . We played Minecraft until 3am, we watched movies, and went through boy drama together. We went to Kings Island and did the dumbest things. We went to a fair so you could see your crush and I would third wheel and take silly pictures of you two. You were my number one supporter and calmed down my anxiety drastically. Summer hit and you went boating with my family. That same summer, you went on vacation and became a changed person. Not changed but it seems as though you forgot me. In the blink of an eye, you were gone. I lost you, and I don’t know how or why. You became best friends with someone else, that’s completely okay. As long as you’re happy, I’m happy. Sometimes I try to see if I can fix our friendship, but it never turns ... Read more

I cant imagine life without you right now you were the best sister i ever had now that your gone i feel like there is nothing to do without you in my life yea we had our problems like every other siblings. we used to play outside we alot of fun i just wish you were here right now

i miss you alot i didnt really get the chance to spend time with you like other kids do with there fathers…But in the end your in a better place…i guess im trying to say is i forgive you for everything.I know you were strung out and i always wanted to know the sober you…But i never got to meet the real you…but i hope and pray your happy now sometimes i get this wave of grief and i cry im only 14 and lost you dad:( if god is really out there hope to keep you safe…I LOVE YOU DAD..