"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Eu sei, faz tempo que eu não apareço aqui. Eu só não sei mais sobre o que escrever, o que devo te contar e tudo mais. Apesar disso, não te esqueci e você tem estado comigo todos os dias desde então.

Bom, eu devo ter te contado que ela aceitou sair comigo, mas não acho que vá acontecer. Tudo bem, pois eu só quero isso se ela também quiser, não por questão de ego ou carência. Te atualizo caso tenha alguma novidade sobre o assunto.

Ah, minha mãe vai viajar, ela está radiante. Eu e o pai vamos ficar em casa, pretendo contar para ele, veremos como as coisas vão estar.

Eu volto quando tiver novidades relevantes. Muita luz para você, Taz. Amo você.

I wish you would’ve taken the treatment option and had surgery. A life with you but without your voice is a million times better than life without you. Life is a mess since you left us, B took nanny hostage. Nanny isn’t doing okay. She needed you to stay living but you choose to do an option that you know would kill you and did it anyways. I think your selfish for not thinking of the rest of your family because you wanted to keep your voice but we would have made it work for you. You have missed out on so much since you left us. My brother got married and him and his wife are having a baby. Caroline is getting so big. Nanny has hearing aids now, stressed induced dementia, B took her license away and now she is trapped. Dad is having more heart issues. Oh, and I won’t have you there when i get married and that makes me not want to ever get married. I needed you to be there to walk me through everything in my life like you did for 18 years. I hated when you refused treatment, I hated seeing you cold and ... Read more

This is the first letter I write to you and even though I’ve always been a writer I’m not sure I’m doing this right. But here I go.

Not a day goes by without thinking of you, how much I need you and most of all I miss you… I’m not gonna lie, it has been pretty hard since you left,sometimes I feel like I’m carrying the weight of mom and my brother and it’s an overwhelming feeling.

You’ll be happy to know that mom is doing better everyday, she told me she wants to do all the things you had planned! My brother is busy in college and I got my first job. The pay is not that good but I’m learning a lot and now I talk on the phone all the time… Can you believe it? Me, on the phone! You won’t believe how many times I’ve dialed your phone number hoping that you’ll answer. Don’t worry I’m not actually calling. I don’t want to scare the new owner.

I hope you’re doing better than when you were here, I know it was for the best. Maybe I’ll write to update you on how we’re doing.

Ps.I want a tattoo, maybe ... Read more

When you died, it tore me in half. I cried over you every night for a year, and I hope you didn’t see me from wherever you are. The biggest thing I regret is not being there to say goodbye. To be honest, I don’t remember a lot of the good times with you. All I remember is the yelling and the surgeries. Especially imagining the first surgery. I don’t remember quite well if we saw your first surgery, and I like to think we didn’t. I know the yelling wasn’t you either, it was the brain tumor. I just want you to know that I love you.

it has been more then a year now since my whole life changed. I want you to know that it is not you’re fault. It has never been you’re fault. You couldn’t know what kind of person he was. And that is okay. In the past year I started feeling a little better. His hands are still there but i finnaly feel like I have control over my life again. I am proud of the person I am now an sometimes i miss you ( the old me). I miss the happy girl who Always saw the good in people . But to be honest you were very naief and had not seen enough to know what I know now. Now I know that you can not trust evrybody. I learned a lot about myself and i am finnaly starting to live without the feeling of him controlling me.

it will be okay

I just finished my first semester of college, and it got me thinking that soon I’ll be the same age you were when you passed. I don’t like this thought; it reminds me that I am growing older, but you aren’t. That at some point, I’ll have lived longer than you did, and I’ll make memories that you would never get that chance to make. But then again, maybe I’m wrong; maybe you lived too many days then could fit into your nineteen years on earth, and it was overwhelming. maybe that’s why you did what you did. Maybe that’s why you stole yourself away from us. I can’t understand why that was your final choice, after you filled your day with doing so much good for others, but that confusion is something that I have to live with, and not you. I wish you had stuck around to fill the rest of the days with good.

Eu finalmente tomei coragem, abri o jogo quanto a ser afim dela e chamei ela para sair (você ficaria surpreso com isso). Ela disse que sim, mas está me enrolando agora, o que é um saco, mas estarei esperando, vai que uma hora desenrola. Ela voltou a ser minha web-fã, quem sabe seja um bom sinal. Se não for, pelo menos ela me acha legal (?), não sei. Não que isso tenha utilidade.

Você é um mala por me deixar sem conselhos amorosos da sua parte.

Caso algo aconteça, volto a te atualizar sobre isso. Me deseje sorte.

Amo você, pentelho. Muito luz para ti, Tazz.

Se eu tivesse certeza que iria ti encontrar do outro lado, não pensaria duas vezes em me unir a ti. Eu te amo tanto, que não ti ter faz um vazio tão grande em mim.

Not that you’re dead, not physically, but emotionally it’s like you’ve lost everything you had. You are dead inside. It hurts, how you put a smile on your face everyday, you fake your happiness and continue living like nothing is happening, but sure it is. You don’t feel good, you don’t feel loved, but most of all, you actually don’t feel anything. I’m sorry you’re o young and going through this hell by yourself. You’re gonna be okay, I promise.

It’s been more than a year now. I’m so confused. I don’t know why i’m doing the things i’ve been doing. I really do want to fix myself. I hate not having you around. It’s like I lost my bestest friend. I’m so sorry for everything I miss you so much