"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Eu sei que você gostaria que eu estivesse feliz, então resolvi te contar que estou.

Alguns dias, hoje sendo um deles, não cai a ficha que você não está mais aqui, não é de todo ruim, pois assim consigo escrever para ti. Estou com saudades, quero que saiba mesmo que você não possa mais sanar essa saudade.

Acredita que estou gostando de alguém? Uma garota ainda por cima hahaha. Ela não me dá moral pessoalmente e eu deveria fugir, mas ela é minha web-fã e eu sou esperançosa e otimista, então . Você era um Dom Juan, gostaria de ter o seu charme com as garotas. A mãe disse que era porque você era engraçado e gentil com elas, então deve ser isso, um dia eu aprendo. Me deseje sorte para conquistar ela.

A faculdade vai bem, quer dizer…. indo. Meus amigos de lá são maneiros.

FINALMENTE tirei a carteira, estou esperando chegar para andar por ai só no vrum vrum.

Amo você, Tazz. Muita luz para ti.

there are simply no words to describe how it feels now. i used to think the world of you. i was without a shadow of doubt, a papa’s girl. you were my favorite person in the whole world when i was a kid, and now you’re gone and i have no idea how to be with okay with that. i am now 23, almost 24 years old. you left when i was 13, almost 14. you missed out on so much of my life. i remember when you passed, it was october 2, 2009, a friday. i was taking a nap after school and my phone kept vibrating on my chest, mama was calling me. i answered the phone in a sleepy haze, and she said “papa passed away…” i was quiet. she spoke again, “do you understand?” i don’t remember much after that. i would not even dare to look at you in your casket, and i avoided looking at you at all cost, and now i wish i could have gotten one last glance at you, but i didn’t want to remember you that way. the last time i saw you, you were smiling, laughing, and cooking on ... Read more

Hii, I hope you’re doing okay. I know its bad for me to say this , but I’m lowkey jealous of you. You don’t have to experience how shitty and chaotic this world is. Lately, there’s too much things going on in our family, I don’t know how dad is able to handle it. I can’t and I refused to acknowledge it. I can feel my body giving up on me, also school is hard (what’s new?) . I feel like this month is going to be a challenge. I don’t know how I’m gonna cope, but I think I’ll be okay. Sometimes, I wonder, if you were still here, would things be completely different? Could you prevent the situation from happening? or would it be more chaotic? Who knows. Anyways, please rest well, we will take good care of your wife and the things here, don’t worry.

Life’s honestly so crazy. I think your death really scarred me. From the moment you were put in your casket to the moment they laid your resting body 6 feet under I can’t remember a thing. The day of your funeral is just such a faint memory of mines and i can only re-live it through the experiences others had that day. I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing yet. I’m just so oblivious to all of it. I know mom puts on the act as it doesn’t hurt her to think about you anymore but your death left a whole in the hearts of all of us. Mom talks about how that horrid day we all had to watch you go under i couldn’t leave your casket alone. Nobody but me and her were allowed to get near your little blue casket with cars stickers on it. That’s the only detail I remember. You were such a beautiful little boy Lex. I know you wanted to live but your body was just too frail. After everything happened i remember hating grocery stores. The scanning noise of the scanner and the sound of your heart monitor sounded ... Read more

You died many years before I was even born. I have been blessed to know at least one set of grandparents but I wish that you and Papaw had lived long enough for me to know you. I at least had Papaw for a few years of my life even if I don’t really remember you. You didn’t even live long enough to become a grandmother. You never got to see your sons get married or meet any of your grandchildren. I never got to see your grandchildren graduate high school. You have missed so much. Dad says that you would have spoiled us grandkids rotten just Mom’s mom. I always wonder what our relationship would have been like. Hopefully, we would have been close. It’s really hard knowing that I will never have the chance to know you better until my time on this planet is over and I join you and the rest my loved one up in heaven. But at least you are in a better place now and that makes feel better even if you can’t be here. I want to hear stories about my dad and uncle when they were kids like my other ... Read more

I miss you, life has been hard, especially right after you died. I have adjusted well to high school, just like you expected, and I actually kind of like it, and English isn’t as bad as you said it would be. I think that was just your teacher. Grandma has been doing ok, she’s kind of lonely though, she misses you too. Sometimes I wonder what it might be like to be dead, I hope it is nice, it would kind of suck if it wasn’t so great. I’ve actually changed what I want to be as an adult, now it’s a nurse practitioner, cool right? There are a bunch of things that have happened, that’s to be expected, considering you are dead. One thing is Will got his Eagle Scout, surprising right? Yeah, I know you knew he would get it the whole time. Scott has a new girlfriend… Michelle alienated herself from the rest of the family, and Cheryl and Dave are alright. Will, Sophie, Matt, and Gabby are all in college now, Will and Sophie are in Business Informatics, they are doing the same things Mom and Dad do. Does Hell have ice water like you told ... Read more

So it’s been almost two years now since you passed and i miss you so much and so does my dad. When i first got the news it was so unbelievable for some reason I just couldn’t believe it, I didn’t cry or freak mostly i was in shock. You were a big part of my life and my family’s. you were such an amazing person. I have this memory of us just sitting outside your house eating angel cake with praline ice cream that was such a good day i can never forget it. I think about you so much, i think about you especially at nights where my thoughts go crazy and it makes me tear up there is so many things i wish we could have done or i wish i could tell you now. You were like my second mom you took care of me and fed me and spoiled me you were my everything when i was little, you were the person i looked up to and one day hope i could be as good of a person as you. You were such a beautiful person inside and outside you were the one to cheer ... Read more

It’s almost been two years since you have passed away and it still kills me to think about it. People keep asking me why I don’t want to get my license and the way you passed is one of the reasons why. Now I know you didn’t see the ice because it was black ice and I’m just afraid that the same thing will happen to me. I know you can see how well I’m doing from up there. I dedicate every single race that I have to you and I want to keep making you proud. I’m probably getting a new pair of spikes for track this year but don’t worry I will write your name on the new ones as well. Also, Super Papaw told me that you told him that I shouldn’t be sitting in the corner on the basketball court and should use my speed to my advantage. I’m upset with myself because last season I did the exact opposite of what you said to do but I have been putting a decent amount of work in during the offseason and this will be my best year yet. I loved having you as my gym teacher ... Read more

I miss you. It’s been two years and two days and it’s still so hard to believe. There’s not a day when your name doesn’t cross my mind and break my heart. I would do anything to see you again. To talk to you again. To stay up all night on facetime, laughing at the stupid videos we would find on Instagram; just one more time. There are so many things I wish that I could say to you but I can’t. There are moments when I want to pick up my phone, I want to call you, I want to talk to you and my heart shatters each and every time I have to remind myself that you won’t pick up. I think the silence in the entire school made the day I found out so much more heartbreaking. You couldn’t hear a locker door close or open, everyone was speechless and red in the face. The whole school was dead silent. Each step I took closer to your locker the faster the tears rolled down my cheeks. The kind of tears that you can´t control no matter how hard you try. The kind of tears that make your ... Read more

It’s been about five years since you’ve passed away and I really miss you. You brought so much Joy to me and my family, but most importantly you brought the most joy to Grandpa. After losing my late Grandmother you were there for him. When he got into a relationship with you, you brought him so much joy. I don’t think I ever saw him angry or sad when he was with you. I remember whenever me and Makenzy would come to visit on holidays you treated us as though we were your own grandchildren, and we thought of you as our grandmother. We would always have fun when being around you. We would play Wii bowling or we would play cards, you used to love to play cards. I miss you so much. When I walked in on you to wake you up that morning, you were cold as ice. I tried to wake you up, but you wouldn’t. That has to be one of the most emotional experiences I have ever been through. At the time I was confused on why you weren’t waking up, but then I realized. You had passed on from this life to the ... Read more