"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

É ridículo que você não esteja mais aqui, Taz.

I’ve been meaning to write this letter for what feels like forever. Sometimes I think about you, and it feels unreal you’re not here anymore, and you had to go that way. One of my biggest fears, is forgetting the memories I have with you , those of which I can still remember. I want to tell you that I miss you so much. Sometimes I’ll be fine, but then I walk past your picture in the hallway, and my eyes are welled with tears. It hurts knowing this sadness will never go away, but it gets better with time. I feel really guilty, when I get happy, about being so preoccupied with everything going on , I forget to think of you. I’m just proud of myself for moving forward, despite the tragedies I’ve gone through. The last couple of years have been eventful, to say the least. There have definitely been more downs than ups, but I’ve learned that I am worthy and capable of continuing on. Ate and kuya are both in college now, and I’m a sophomore in high school. I ... Read more

I’ve been meaning to write this letter for what feels like forever. Sometimes I think about you, and it feels unreal you’re not here anymore, and you had to go that way. One of my biggest fears, is forgetting the memories I have with you , those of which I can still remember. I want to tell you that I miss you so much. Sometimes I’ll be fine, but then i walk past your picture in the hallway, and my eyes are welled with tears. It hurts knowing this sadness will never go away, but it gets better with time. I feel really guilty when I get happy about being so preoccupied with all that’s going on , I forget to think of you. I’m just proud of myself for moving forward, despite the tragedies I’ve gone through. The last couple of years have been eventful, to say the least. There have definitely been more downs than ups, but I’ve learned that I am worthy and capable of continuing on. Ate and kuya are both in college now, and I’m a sophomore in high school. ... Read more

I’ve been meaning to write this letter for what feels like forever. Sometimes I think about you, and it feels unreal you’re not here anymore, and you had to go that way. One of my biggest fears, is forgetting the memories I have with you , those of which I can still remember. I want to tell you that I miss you so much. Sometimes I’ll be fine, but then i walk past your picture in the hallway, and my eyes are welled with tears. It hurts knowing this sadness will never go away, but it gets better with time. I feel really guilty when I get happy about being so preoccupied with all that’s going on , I forget to think of you. I’m just proud of myself for moving forward, despite the tragedies I’ve gone through. The last couple of years have been eventful, to say the least. There have definitely been more downs than ups, but I’ve learned that I am worthy and capable of continuing on. Ate and kuya are both in college now, and I’m a sophomore in high school. ... Read more

Oii. Você era o Don Juan da família, mas talvez entenda mesmo assim. Conheci uma garota e ela é muito legal, o papo fluiu super bem. Ela me chamou para ir num evento da amiga dela, então pode existir uma chance de o interesse ser recíproco, ou eu só estou sendo boba. Nesse caso eu aceito ser boba. Ela não é a menina mais bonita do mundo, mas ela é tão única e cativante que o conjunto todo se torna belo. Me deseje sorte para conquista-la.

Amo você. Sinto sua falta, Taz.

Ratatouille não é mais o mesmo sem você. O mundo não é mais o mesmo sem você e eu só queria que fosse o mesmo com você.

Sinto sua falta, Taz.

I guess I am kind of mad you left us.. That I didn’t get to say goodbye… That i didn’t show you how much I loved you when i had the chance. So maybe it was my fault you decided to leave or maybe you had been holding things in for a while… You birthday just passed I posted a picture of you and me and Jaden looked at some old picture and starting telling old stories. I really did love you. The fact that your gone tears me apart but im not going to tell anyone, I never do. It hurts to know that im keeping all of this to myself so I figure I’d tell you from now on once in while I will write to you. Jaden says she wishes that you were hear and that she would have liked to know what life would have been like without you. Do you remember when you took me on the bike for the first time. It was really fun and I pretended to be scared when actually it was really nice. I wish you could take me on the bike now. I feel bad talking to dad about ... Read more

There are many things i would to tell you, something are amazing, something are exited and something are very sad. But now i write to you to tell you about your daugther; yes, you have an amazing daugther. When did you leave, we know that you will be a father, nine months after was born a beautifull girl, her name is Salomé Fernanda (Fernada to Fernando like you) she is identical to you. Now she grow up and is an intelligent girl. And i know that you never know her but you would have been a great dad. I hope that you are looking us all time. I never forget you and always i miss you so much; you didn’t deserve what happen to you. I love you

Oii. Estava contando de nós. Eu sei que não apareço a muito tempo, mas me faltava coragem.

Agora estou contando de nós e de toda a gratidão que sinto por ter tido você comigo. É um agradecimento. Obrigada por ter sido o anjo que cuidou de mim por toda a infância e uma parte da adolescência. Você sempre será o meu Taz. O cara que eu amo como um irmão, um eterno melhor amigo e tanto mais. Estou com saudades. Sinto todos os dias, mas hoje estou nostálgica e grata, então precisava te contar.

A garota por quem eu estou meio que apaixonada não me nota de jeito nenhum. O que eu faço? Você falaria algo besta e eu ficaria toda brava agora, mas tudo bem, valeria a pena. Se eu chegar a beija-la, você será o primeiro a saber além dela (claro). Porque você saberia exatamente o que dizer.

Muita luz para ti, Taz.

It’s been about a year and a half since you left us. All of us. Your family. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about you every day when I wake up or when something exciting happens and you’re the first person I want to tell. The thing is, you were so complicated. I think about how badly I want you here to see me grow up and make something of myself but when I am honest with myself, there’s no guarantees that you’d be present even if you still were alive. If funny now to think about how unstable you were.

I’m in my second semester of nursing school, Mikey is graduating high school in a few months (a miracle I know), Sammy graduates nursing school last spring and is pregnant and due in June and Tori is getting married next month. She’s actually getting married on your birthday, April 20th. The closer it gets the more we all say we wish you could be here. But wishing won’t bring you back.

Fact of the matter is that I’m still feeling every emotion about you choosing to leave this world. I get sad because I ... Read more