"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

when you died, it opened my eyes. I really wish I acted more maturely when I saw you when I was at your house. I know that in fact, you weren’t scary, you were just really miserable. You were depressed, and I should’ve seen that and understand, because of all people, I should know what a depressed parent looks like. I know that when I was a child, my behaviour could be excused, but not now. I shouldn’t have acted the way I would when I came to your house, like you were creepy and I was afraid. Your wife misses you greatly. When I came to visit my best friend for the first time after you died, her mom was there, and you could see how much her face has changed. She looked older, so much older, as if she became old overnight. I acted dumb and unnaturely because it was such a shock to see her that way. She would smile with her mouth, but her eyes had this blank stare. Sara acts normal around me. It’s really weird, but she really doesn’t show that much emotion. She has buried it inside her and hopes it will stay that way ... Read more

I miss you to an unbelievably level. The way you would help me throughout the years made me the person I am today.

You would always treat me like you understood when I was thinking but I could never get out of my mouth. Me and you had a connection that nobody else could ever had. The way you would listen to me and talk to me for hours on end would never bore me, it would make me so happy. I also miss when you would always give me a dollar to go to the ice cream bar with you then we’d go to the park and you would push me on the swings.

I still remember when you first started to go to the hospital more… I was too young to understand what everyone was talking about. Many people were freaking out and I kept my chill and you were still by my side even in the hospital bed. When you finally passed, I remember feeling sad and numb for months.You were the only person who understood me and to see you leave forever made me the saddest I’ve ever been.

I can’t wait to see you ... Read more

I cried a lot last night, because I missed you so much.

I still remember my last 15th birthday that I kissed your forehead before I went to school, it was the first and unexpectedly the last time I did it. As I was going home from school, I was with my friends and we were laughing as we got out from school. They kept singing “happy birthday” and when I thanked them that’s when I saw my two aunties. They went to the church, and I was so surprised to see how swollen their eyes are and that’s when they told me that you already passed away.

We visited your grave last Thursday, and since then it was usually normal. Whenever we visit you, I don’t feel anything and maybe a lot of people might hate me for this but I was really happy and relieved when you left us.

I felt like I was free now, because I get to do the things that I wasn’t able to do when you were still with us, because you were so strict and overprotective. And I being an impulsive teenager took it in a wrong way. Yes, I did hate ... Read more

I miss you a lot. You were a very important part of our family and now you’re gone. It has been three years since you left and i have missed you a lot more. Im really sorry that i didn’t get to visit you as much as i wanted to. I only saw you over the summer when we went to salvador. Our favorite place to visit was salvador because we got to see you and see my grandpa. My grandpa has been very ever since you died. I miss going to the living room and seeing you on the couch you always sat on. You were a very big inspiration in my life because you always took care of us and always gave us great advice. Im really sorry that you didn’t get to meet my little brother eric.I think you would have really enjoyed meeting him because he has a very funny personality. I’m really sad that you died but at least you are not in pain anymore. I know that you are in a much better place now and that you are not suffering. I will always remember that you were always smiling even if you were ... Read more

It’s been about five years since you’ve passed away. I remember always going to see you and mama. You’d answer the door in your green, red, and black flannel with a pair of your khaki pants. You would pick me up and swing me around because I was your little ballerina. I think of you an awful lot just because Mom works where Mama used to live. You’d be so sad if you saw the world today, no one is making changes but I’m kind of glad you don’t have to see this. You always hated politics and all those corrupt politicians but you never tell who you voted for. You have always meant a lot to me although I only saw you till I was 12. You always had the television set to PBS for Mama because she loved watching the most random things. Even though you didn’t get to see Mama in her last days, I did and man did she keep her love for Wheel of Fortune and Queen Latifah. It was late in the day sometime in the summer when my mom got a call. They said you were sick, and that’s not something I understood ... Read more

I’ve known you since i could see, since i could remember. You were always so sick and ill, so you stayed in your room and in bed all the time. But you would force yourself to come out of your room just to come see me and hang out with your grandkids. I could tell you were in pain but no matter what you let nothing stand in the way of seeing us. For that i am grateful. You would come out to make us milkshakes, teach us new things, and just anything to make us happy. You served your service to not only the country but to your kids and your grandkids. When i got the news that you were hospitalized i was devastated. When we got to the hospital, we rushed to your room. I remember talking to you and seeing how happy you were even at the time of your final moments. You looked at me and said “I love you little bud” then you closed your eyes. Everyone sat in the room quiet just watching you lay there. Your heart was still beating so we were all just worried. About minutes later it just stopped, ... Read more

I know that I don’t remember a lot about you, but I feel like I know everything about you. I can’t remember time with you and I wish I could, but I do remember your voice. It’s better than nothing I guess. I am so sorry that you suffered for so long and I wish you had never got cancer. I see how it affected the rest of us and how it still impacts us today. It’s not fair that you were taken away like that. Just talking to my dad about you is always one of the highlights of my day. My dad doesn’t like to talk about you a lot, but when he does it always makes him smile and I think it helps him. I wish that you could have been around a lot longer to watch me grow up. Don’t worry I am still carrying on the Notre Dame tradition and supporting them. We miss you so much and love you!

We all dearly miss you here. I will never forget the memories we made together in the little time we had. You were a very important person in my life, and you taught me a lot that I still remember now. I will never forget what you used to remind Emma and I every time we argued or fought over pointless things. “Girls you know you always need to love your sissy and be there for her, because your forever best friend is your sister.” and “No matter how mad you make each other, you never ever leave the room angry or go to bed angry. You never know what the future holds, or if those words you say now could be the last your sister hears from you.” I remind her of this all of the time, because sometimes we are both guilty of arguing a little more than we should. She is thirteen now, and I am fifteen, we have both of our birthdays in the next two weeks. It’ll be my sweet sixteen, which you always looked forward to. I am driving now, I have my temps and I should be getting my license in the next ... Read more

Hi Uncle Jason, you probably don’t remember me, after all I was just a baby when you chose to hang. I can’t help but feel partially guilty about your choice. Is it strange to miss someone you’ve never known. My parents tell me stories about how much of a good person you were and how much you helped those around you, I’m kinda jealous. I do try…I try to be like you, I try to be like the hero I’ll never meet. I also hope you’re happy, where ever you may be. Dad misses you, he would always alert us to your birthday and I would celebrate it…alone, I’m told that I got my middle name from you. I guess that means we’re closer than we think? I don’t know, at this point I’m rambling. I should let you go, I hope you’re watching over and protecting us. I guess I’ll see you when I see you…um, bye!

My love’s counterfeit light was truly shrouded in darkness. Surrounded by the unspeakable and unforgiving horrors that reached only the unfathomable places in his heart. My one truest wish is that I could have prevented the darkness from consuming his precious soul away from my now cold, shallow, and empty embrace. Why, Death? Why, you fathomless and deceitful creature, did you take the person that I truly loved, adored, and fully cared about away from my grasp? Why did you not take me? Thou should’ve taken me. You should have taken me, Death. Not a pure and immaculate soul such as he. He did not deserve this. No, my love, you have not forsaken me. In fact, this only made me want nothing more in the world than to be with you, love you, and care for you like I never could. This only made me want to love you longer. This only made me want to love you better. I want you to know that you never annoyed me. At all. To any certain extent. I never really had a chance to tell you my honest and truest feelings. And for that I deeply and sincerely regret. I never had a chance to tell you how much I really adored you, ... Read more