"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

You’re a champion. Legend.

You aren’t really dead, but you are dead to me. You couldn’t just accept that your oldest daughter is a lesbian, and who goes against all of your rules because you ruined my childhood. You instead, dragged my mom through a divorce (not because I was gay, you didn’t even know then, no you had a divorce because you CHEATED ON HER), you blamed my sisters, my mom, and even me before you even thought of blaming yourself, and you won’t hesitate to talk shit about my mom in front of my YOUNGER sisters. You’re a piece of crap and I hate that I’m related to you, and share some characteristics with you, I wish you were never in my life. Because of you, I didn’t have a childhood, and I grew up hating myself because you raised me to try to reach the highest things, even when you knew I couldn’t. You talked about me behind my back when I was busy with school work, which you PUSHED ME TO, and you talked to my sisters? How fucked up do you have to be to say bad things about someone’s older sister when she isn’t even there to ... Read more

I hate you. Not YOU exactly, but I hate the things you did. You couldn’t stay away from it all, could you? You had to drag my dad into stuff, didn’t you? You had to ignore everyone begging you to stop. You had to keep going until you died. I hate you so much for that. You died, and left everyone (my dad, mostly) a wreck. My Dad went crazy when you died. I think I did, too. I have so much more to say, and not the right words to express it with. Are you happy?

Todo dia eu penso como seria se meu irmão não estivesse mais aqui, a vida é um estragos de dedos, um sopro, uma piscada de olhos, eu penso se um dia as pessoas que já morreram pudessem voltar pra terra, pra dizer pelo menos um olá, as pessoas não se despedem quando vão morrer, a nossa última palavra sempre pode ser algo inesperado ou inútil, eu realmente espero que um dia as pessoas possam voltar pra podermos trocar as últimas palavras, ou que criem um meio de comunicação com os mortos (como cartas) para podermos nos expressar e dizer um olá pela última vez.

I honestly don’t know if you’re dead or not. So I suppose I shouldn’t be writing this letter as if you were. But I know that everyone writing these is feeling something, and sharing it with a small part of the world, and I know I need to be okay with feeling too, so here we are. I only saw you once, for a few hours, at a Sabrina Carpenter concert of all things. I hardly remember now—it was two years ago, after all, and at the time you didn’t seem important. You were nice, and I liked you, but it wasn’t until a good time after the concert that I realized how… connected we were, I guess. I thought about you a lot, and still do; to this day I don’t know what it is that brought me to think of you so much, and everything happened so long ago that even if I could go back to that night, I’m not sure I’d recognize what pulled me towards you afterwards. Am I doing this wrong? Everyone else seems to be writing to dead people they actually knew, and know for sure that they’re dead, ... Read more

I honestly don’t know if you’re dead or not. So I suppose I shouldn’t be writing this letter as if you were. But I know that everyone writing these is feeling something, and sharing it with a small part of the world, and I know I need to be okay with feeling too, so here we are. I only saw you once, for a few hours, at a Sabrina Carpenter concert of all things. I hardly remember now—it was two years ago, after all, and at the time you didn’t seem important. You were nice, and I liked you, but it wasn’t until a good time after the concert that I realized how… connected we were, I guess. I thought about you a lot, and still do; to this day I don’t know what it is that brought me to think of you so much, and everything happened so long ago that even if I could go back to that night, I’m not sure I’d recognized what pulled me towards you afterwards. Am I doing this wrong? Everyone else seems to be writing to dead people they actually knew, and know for sure that they’re dead, ... Read more

I know that what you need was necessary. I know it was what needed to be done. I’m not doubting you on that. But we all miss you, we really do.

Everyone’s ok, I promise. Tyree got married. I know that would break your heart if you were still here, but maybe now it will make you smile. Finn’s back at his job, but he still treats dumb college kids who get hurt. Being a doctor wasn’t for him, he would much rather be an English professor. Alan and I are just fine, everything is good with us. Kendra, Jack, and little baby Nakiti are beyond wonderful. Raven and August are happy, and expecting. Your brother will be an amazing father, I know he will. We don’t know where your father is, Jo. He left the day you left. But your mom is fine, she’s doing better now. I hope you found Naomi, wherever you are. Oh, Moon says hi. I think he misses you too.

We love you Jo, and I haven’t given up on the book. I’m going to tell your story I promise. I’m going to write about what happened and the world is going to know. ... Read more

when you died, it opened my eyes. I really wish I acted more maturely when I saw you when I was at your house. I know that in fact, you weren’t scary, you were just really miserable. You were depressed, and I should’ve seen that and understand, because of all people, I should know what a depressed parent looks like. I know that when I was a child, my behaviour could be excused, but not now. I shouldn’t have acted the way I would when I came to your house, like you were creepy and I was afraid. Your wife misses you greatly. When I came to visit my best friend for the first time after you died, her mom was there, and you could see how much her face has changed. She looked older, so much older, as if she became old overnight. I acted dumb and unnaturely because it was such a shock to see her that way. She would smile with her mouth, but her eyes had this blank stare. Sara acts normal around me. It’s really weird, but she really doesn’t show that much emotion. She has buried it inside her and hopes it will stay that way ... Read more

I miss you to an unbelievably level. The way you would help me throughout the years made me the person I am today.

You would always treat me like you understood when I was thinking but I could never get out of my mouth. Me and you had a connection that nobody else could ever had. The way you would listen to me and talk to me for hours on end would never bore me, it would make me so happy. I also miss when you would always give me a dollar to go to the ice cream bar with you then we’d go to the park and you would push me on the swings.

I still remember when you first started to go to the hospital more… I was too young to understand what everyone was talking about. Many people were freaking out and I kept my chill and you were still by my side even in the hospital bed. When you finally passed, I remember feeling sad and numb for months.You were the only person who understood me and to see you leave forever made me the saddest I’ve ever been.

I can’t wait to see you ... Read more

I cried a lot last night, because I missed you so much.

I still remember my last 15th birthday that I kissed your forehead before I went to school, it was the first and unexpectedly the last time I did it. As I was going home from school, I was with my friends and we were laughing as we got out from school. They kept singing “happy birthday” and when I thanked them that’s when I saw my two aunties. They went to the church, and I was so surprised to see how swollen their eyes are and that’s when they told me that you already passed away.

We visited your grave last Thursday, and since then it was usually normal. Whenever we visit you, I don’t feel anything and maybe a lot of people might hate me for this but I was really happy and relieved when you left us.

I felt like I was free now, because I get to do the things that I wasn’t able to do when you were still with us, because you were so strict and overprotective. And I being an impulsive teenager took it in a wrong way. Yes, I did hate ... Read more