"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

It has been two years…almost three. You left me when I was a sophomore. I am now a senior in high school, and oh man would you be proud. You passed away and left me from this world that you called home. I remember your final moments. The last words you spoke to me…the last words to anyone ever. The last time you opened your eyes and looked at me…the last time you ever opened your eyes. The last time you smiled before you took that fall. I never imagined losing you until it happened. I remember when I would pick you up the floor so many times. You saying the words, “I’m Sorry,” over and over again. I never understood why until you were gone. I spent years thinking about those two cursed words. I always understood the apology, yet I never understood, why you said it. You went across the world multiple times to adopt. You gave your children a life we would never have. You saved two of us from death by adopting us. You raised and took care of us. Yet, you still apologized. It was the others who would deny you mocking ... Read more

Ok So seemingly your not dead yet neither am I. I just wanted to write this letter because there will be a day I die probably years from now but I’m leaving my family with this. Love you all even including my sister who I claim not to like ….. This is only part of my many letters because I plan on living and being alive every day I get

Solo quiero decirte que te amo. Que siempre te he amado y que nunca dejaré de amarte. Estoy bien, se que tu también lo estas. Es marzo, la tristeza vuelve. Me encantaría que pudieras ver todo lo que he crecido como persona, y que me acompañaras en estos momentos de mi vida. Por ahora me conformo con recordarte lo mucho que te amo y extraño.

Oi. Ontem completou um mês desde que você fez o que fez e eu sonhei contigo. Talvez seja esta a maneira que minha mente encontrou para lidar com a sua ausência. Seu contato continua gravado no meu celular, sua conversa foi arquivada, pois me nego a perder a sua voz. Nosso aniversário irá chegar em alguns meses e seu recado não chegará e isso dói tanto. Ouvi que ainda dói, porque te amamos muito, e concordo, mas não torna mais fácil. A mãe disse que em outras vidas você foi o filho dela, talvez a gente seja os gêmeos, talvez não, mas agora entendo a sensação de que perdi um irmão, nossa ligação ia muito além. Não sei aonde você está, mas espero que em um lugar melhor com seu coração de ouro. A faculdade começou e minha cabeça anda ocupada, mas você ainda estará nos meus pensamentos e no meu coração.

This is not a love letter, it’s a farewell letter. You left my life of my own free will when I was still just an innocent baby who did not know things. When that happened I was too young to be hurt. But now that I’ve grown up, now that I’ve grown up without you, it hurts. It hurts. I miss you more than anything, I miss what we could have become, I miss when I thought you were good. But now, all I’ve been doing is hating you and trying to block you from my mind. You will never read it, but deep down I do not really want you to read it, because you do not even deserve my words. I’ve always been here for you, for us. But you’ve never been here for me. I feel so angry for it. But you will no longer have that power over me. My incredible philosophy teacher said that no matter what pain they caused you, what matters is what you do with that pain. I’ve decided I will not let your pain hurt anymore. See you, Dad. Have a nice life.

You may think why did I wrote a letter for myself, if I’m not yet dead. I’m still alive, still kicking and having fun with my friends. The thing is that I know I’m still alive but I feel like I’m already dead, like I’m a walking dead. It was hard for me to keep everything all by myself and I guess I am nothing compared to Laurel. She was a good girl, but Laurel and I have this same issue and that is we both losing our selves . I lose myself. And I keep losing it. I’m afraid that maybe one day, I could not even say a word for myself or for others. Maybe one day, I can’t hear their voices and I was just in the coffin, so yeah, before I die, just before it, I wanted to say how thankful I am, to have all of you, sometimes I am so fragile, but all of never gets tired of fixing me and taking good care of me. I never said thank you to all of you guys, I know I didn’t, and please always be brave and strong enough to win every long battle. Always ... Read more

I love your music. You were amazing. I have never heard a voice so beautiful in my life. Your voice is so unique, I have never heard a voice like yours. I miss you, and wish you were still alive and well today.

I love you. Your song Heroes inspired me. I miss you. Many miss you. I hope you have finally received peace.

This is not a love letter. You were a monster. Why did you do heroin? Why did you become abusive? Why did you want me to be around just to bring me down? Why did you hurt so many people? Why did you steal? Why did you decide to have kids just to steal from them? Why did you even bother? Why couldn’t you be there? Why couldn’t you have been a good father? Why couldn’t you have chosen your two daughters over drugs? Why couldn’t you have treated your mother with respect? Why couldn’t you have left me alone? How could you mess my life up? How could you ruin my trust? How could you hurt us? How could you corrupt us? How could you hurt others with no guilt? How could you hurt me? Why did you destroy your body? Why did you even bother?

You left the world almost three years ago. It doesn’t seem real. I remember your smile, your love for sweet food (diabetic), and your undying love for the Cincinnati Reds. You would always say, “Goodnight, love you.” Then you left. You were sick. They said that your were going to die. I didn’t believe them, I thought that you would pull through. You didn’t. You died, alone, in a nursing home. You died with strangers, when you should have died with your family. I remember being extremely angry at my brother, because he said, “He was already dead to me.” You should never say that. Never. I miss you. I wish you were here. I wish I could see your smile, and hear your laugh one last time. But, I never will. Ever since your death, I have never been the same. You were a light in the everlasting darkness. I wish I could say goodbye, just one last time. But, I won’t be able to. They say that I will be okay. I don’t think I am ever going to. I love you