"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Today is my 17th birthday. It’s been hard without you and as a birthday wish, I would like it if I saw you again, although since that’s not going to happen, I just want to say how I miss, and love you.

Hey, Ollie. You know, people tell you that when you loose someone you love, grieving can be the worse part. But they are so wrong. The worse part is the pity, the self-blame, the recoiling of details, wondering if one different decision would change how your life played out. Wondering, ‘Maybe if I had told you more often how much I loved you, you’d still be here.’ And although I’ve tried several times to take back what happened, I still can’t think clearly. Every time I close my eyes, all I see is your lifeless body. Remember how we used to make it a tradition to drink hot cocoa on the train ride to Aunt K’s house? Or the time we put plastic wrap on the doorway and Mollie walked into it and bounced back? What happened to the smile that was etched on your face through all of that. When you held Mollie in your arms for the first time. You were supposed to protect me from the feeling of uselessness. That’s what big brothers are supposed to do. I miss you so much Ollie. I have rewritten this email thingy 9 times over again. I can’t seem to ... Read more

You was and still you are my idol. I don’t know what is happened because you was so strong person. I wish one time I will be strong like you. When I heared about your suicide I was so shock. I cry all night. No one help you. You cry for help. For you I find help for me, I promise this to my sister. Your name is tattoed on my arm in arrow. Always in my heart.

It’s been fourteen years. I miss you every day. I want you to know that we are very good with M. We were little when you left. Everybody talks about how you were good. I will always love you.

I miss you, you have only been gone for about a week but it feels like just a day ago I was talking to you on the phone. You’ve been with me for 15 1/2 years and let me just say that they were the best years of my life. Even though we aren’t related by blood you’re still family and family will never be left behind or forgotten. I remember I loved coming over to your condo to go swimming. You’d always sit in your chair under the umbrella and watch me. You never came in but I still felt safe knowing you were watching even with others around. You also always gave me a dollar to do one of those claw machines or machines where you get candy or sometimes little toys out of it. And whenever I was at your apartment you’d always ask if I wanted juice. You always seemed to have grape juice. We both got older and you became more sick and life was tough for you and you aren’t suffering anymore and I hope you Rest In Peace. I’ll take care of the family for you. I love you Nanu

Hey, uhm, I don`t know what to say at first. Honestly I just miss you, since you died five years ago with a coma. And to tell you honestly, I`m still guilty that I didn`t do anything to save you back then, only three of us saw it and I was in there. I could have done something better or done something good. I watched you slowly die in front of me while hugging my younger cousins- telling them to be okay. Of course, I thought it was, until the doctor said you didn`t make it and we lost you. We didn`t watch television, my cousins and I feel missing without you, your children are scattered, your husband is distant and I feel lost. All of us are, you were an inspiration to many while I blamed you on your gifts on why you still bought the same gift. Later did I know, that was my very last gift from you, and all I said was a different one next year. If you could read this, I wish you were still alive today, my eighteenth birthday is coming this year, and I honestly want ... Read more

youre not dead. but our old relationship is, i miss it.

Doufám, že mi někdy odpustíš. Nikdy jsem nic takového nechtěla udělat, tak věz, že dokonce života se nad tvou smrtí budu trápit, a můj život už nikdy nebude jako dřív. Pořídily jsme si novou Grace všimla sis? Jsi na nás pyšná? Bylo to težké, ale nikdo nikdy nebude jako ty zlato. Doufám, že mě/nás pozoruješ z nebíčka. Já na tebe totiž myslím každý den, to mi věř. Snad už jsi teď šťastnější. Miluju tě Grace a řeknu ti ve všech jazycích, ve kterých to umím. Miluju tě, I love you, Te amo, Te quiero, Ti amo, Milujam ťa, Ich liebe dich, Mi amas vin, Je t’aime Grace!

Ya a pasado un año, un mes una semana exactamente que te arrebataron la vida de esa forma tan trágica. Tu partida nos dejó un hueco en el pecho que jamás cerrará. Siento como si mi corazón estuviese sin latido al pronunciar tu nombre. Te extraño todos los días. Ojalá pudiera escribir estas palabras sin derramar una lágrima pero no lo consigo es más fuerte que yo, tú partida me dejó sin consuelo. Aún creo sentir tu perfume en el aire. Y oír tú risa. O escuchar tu voz diciendo alguna tontería. Te extraño siempre. Espero que ahora estés haciendo tu propia revolución allá arriba.

I keep on rewatching your videos after your death. I watched SNL, your variety shows with shinee, and everything else. I am entertained but then suddenly remember the fact that hey, you don’t exist anymore. It feels so surreal because last time I checked you were still alive. Ha. I was wrong, I guess.

Do you know how much it hurt, Jonghyun? To find updates about you only to find out you committed suicide. I never knew what you were up to but I was so blinded by the fact that your life was at risk. I prayed many times but your company released a final statement that broke my heart. I cried and shouted in pain, in agony.

But I guess it was really for your best. I read your last message and it hurts. Everything hurts right now. I think you were trying to find acceptance and self worth but to no avail. I wish I could turn back time and I might have sent you a message that can atleast, cheer you up a bit. I wish I had tried to present my love for you even if my savings are at risk. hahahaha. It’s too late now.

I ... Read more