"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Hey, gigi it has been 5 years since you passed away! (So Crazy). We are all so grown up now I know you have been watching every step of the way. I’m almost 16 now I have my temps and will soon be attending a school where I can pursue my dreams of becoming an oncology nurse. I’m doing it FOR YOU. Ever since you have been gone I’ve just always wanted to be a nurse and become one that helps take care of cancer patients and does everything in their power to make sure they live out the life they deserve. I haven’t exactly been the same since you left us nothing has been the same honestly… The family has broken up so much mom and dad are no longer together and haven’t been since only a few months after you passed away. You know I talk to you almost every day or at least I try to. I’ve been finally getting the help I need after being through everything I’ve been through in the past few years and honestly being traumatized. I’m really trying so hard to make everyone proud of me and make sure I have a ... Read more

I miss you so much every day I have you in the back of my mind always thinking of you. I remember when I was told about your death like it was yesterday. I have lived with you for most of my life, and you always livened up everything. When I was told you were going into a nursing home it broke me, and it felt like I had no one when I was told I knew that it was getting worse. even though you weren’t there every day when I saw you you still made me smile and laugh. You were my best friend and the one person I trusted the most. Your taking care of me most of my life made me be close to you, and I never knew how much you did for me. when I found out all that you did for me and my family I appreciated you more than you would have ever known and that I showed. I didn’t show you how much I cared before and how much you meant to me but you were someone that I loved with everything I had. I knew that your health ... Read more

I miss you so much every day I have you in the back of my mind always thinking of you. I remember when I was told about your death like it was yesterday. I have lived with you for most of my life, and you always livened up everything. When I was told you were going into a nursing home it broke me, and it felt like I had no one when I was told I knew that it was getting worse. even though you weren’t there every time I saw you you still made me smile and laugh. You were my best friend and the one person I trusted the most. You saw me at every low and were still there for me through it all no matter how bad it was. you always worried about me, and there wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t worry about you. You were everything to me, and so strong and took care of me for most of my life with no complaints, and always tried your best. I loved helping you and being there for you no matter what you went through. You still ... Read more

I miss you so so much. I remember the night me and mom got the call like it was yesterday. I was just starting to really get to know you. I love looking at all the pictures of you and hearing all the funny things you have done. I wish I was hearing it from you though. It still doesn’t feel right every time I go visit papaw. It’s been really hard for me to deal with everything because it just doesn’t feel right. I love seeing little burn holes in things because it helps me remember you’re still with me.

lets me just start by saying these last 2 years have been an interesting ride. I’ve gone through so much since you left. Let me tell you some things that happened: I got my first real boyfriend you would have loved him but he broke my heart, I got into butler tech, I have gotten 2 concussions in this last year, my last name is back to Meyer, I got a new boyfriend and he treats me so well yesterday I went to the butler tech dance with him. It’s been very hard without you I miss our Sunday talks and your “lexi you be good until the next time I see you and have our Sunday talk.” It’s been hard not seeing you on the side line not cheering me on and not hearing your voice. I have over come so much and you would be so proud of me! I love you so much and ill see you soon.

Hey, it’s your favorite granddaughter. I wanted you to know that that dream of going to butler tech came true. I finally made it to a point in my life where I realize that I understand everything even tho it has almost been 8 years since you passed it’s just becoming harder and harder to keep going every day. I understood it when I was 8 it’s just getting harder, we used to do everything together you literally lived next to us. we would: go to your house every day, I would come over and watch cartoons with you, we would go outside a lot, we had yard sales every weekend, eat dinner together a lot, and I would run up and down the ramp of your truck. It feels like just yesterday we were outside on my 8th birthday playing with hula hoops. I still remember every time a train comes by depending on what way it is I missed my “school bus.” I think one of the hardest things is I never got to say goodbye. You were getting healthy again then they put you in a nursing home too early. I ended up finding out what ... Read more

10/25/2022 Dear Grandma, I’m just going to start by saying that this year has been quite the ride. I still cannot believe that it was almost a year ago that we all were watching the coffin being lowered into the ground on that gray December afternoon. It felt weird not having you here for Christmas and New Years\’ day. I still remember what the sky looked like the day you went to Heaven. I don’t know how everyone else feels about it since that was the last time we were all together. Now, we are about a month away from Thanksgiving and it will be the first time celebrating it without you. I still have the shoes that I wore to the service and I still remember grasping the cold metal handle of the casket and walking down the aisle and out to the hurse. That might have been one of the hardest things I did as a teenager. I remember saying very few words during the service and even for the rest of the day because… there were none. As I sit here in at my desk typing up this letter, it is close to that almost a year later, I ... Read more

Como saber?

A ideia de ser a certeza de alguém, me apavora. Eu não sou nem minha própria certeza.

Acabei de reparar que agora o Deck voltou a ser a nossa chácara, o nosso cantinho com Nescau tarde da noite, como se tudo fosse uma operação secreta. Quem diria que tudo acabaria num curto-circuito, e dessa vez sem pipas alegres no poste. Nem rostos pálidos sabendo da enrascada que tinha surgido. Nem você aqui para dizer que vai ficar tudo bem.

Eu estou apavorada. Não quero perder algo tão bom, alguém que faz eu me sentir como ninguém no mundo. Tenho medo de que ninguém me olhe com aqueles olhinhos e diga o quanto gosta de mim. Tenho medo que nem o corpo mais quentinho consiga me aquecer nas noites frias. Tenho medo que nenhum abraço seja como o dele e eu nunca mais seja consolada. Tenho medo que um outro aceite a minha pirraça no primeiro momento e tudo se acabe sem tentar.

Tenho medo de tentar e não conseguir. E não ser a pessoa certa. E ser tarde demais.

Ele me lembra você. E dói tanto deixar isso para trás. Porque o bom é bom, mas o ruim ... Read more

We’re 2 months and 6 days from the anniversary of the crash. I think about this time last year when we were all in class and you were still here. I still haven’t gotten over that you never got your license, graduated or any other experience. I think about your family and how they don’t get to celebrate holidays with you or even your birthday. I am still afraid of deer and windy roads at night because they make me think of the fear you must have had. I hope that you can see your friends and family and know that they are doing alright and that we all still think of you. I hope that wherever you are that you have found happiness as well.

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