"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Os dias ruins não duram para sempre afinal.

Estou de viagem. O meu medo paralisante de estar num avião virou passado, pelo menos é o que eu acredito. Agora quem sabe eu consiga enfrentar meus outros medos com mais coragem no peito. Assim que descobrir, te conto.

Aqui é bonito. Gostaria que tivesse conhecido, você ficaria maluco com tantas belezas e possibilidades. Não faltariam opções para você e seu espírito livre, cheio de curiosidade.

Enfim, só queria dizer que estou com saudades.

Não esquece de mim. Muita luz para você onde quer que esteja.

you’re not dead, but it feels like that to me.

we both knew it would be hard to make a long distance relationship work. but i always felt like i’d rather have you from far away than to not have you at all. it was worth it, you know? it was worth it, because when we stayed up all night, even though we’d have to work our asses off the next morning… when i was falling asleep to the sound of your breath, i could almost swear you were right there, with me. because when i was finally getting to the airport, i could feel my heart beating SO HARD that i couldn’t believe that god would allow me, of all the people in the world, to feel this good. because whenever we were actually together, nothing. else. mattered. it was my skin on your skin and i just couldn’t believe the way my entire body NEEDED yours, lost in lust and passion and care and love and all the most beautifully chaotic feelings in the world. because, you looked at me with those cliché worth blue fucking eyes and i simply couldn’t breathe and all i ever needed in the world was your hug ... Read more

Desculpa. Desculpa do fundo do meu coração. Você sabe porquê.

Eu poderia vir aqui e te contar tudo que mudou na minha vida desde então, mas por dentro nada mudou e eu não sei como fazer mudar.

Eu vou procurar ajuda, de novo, pois tudo voltou pior e eu não quero sair da cama. Sei que pode ser só um dia difícil e a manhã seguinte pode ser boa, mas tenho medo de não ser e eu não ter mais o que fazer.

Sinto sua falta, gostaria de te apresentar as pessoas que eu amo, estar deitada no seu peito comendo bolacha e bebendo nescau, como quando tudo era simples. Falar de você parece tão fácil na minha cabeça, tenho tantas memórias bonitas, mas falar para os outros parece diminuir tudo que a gente foi. Me dói tanto escrever que fomos e não somos.

Espero que você esteja recebendo muita luz onde quer que esteja. Não esquece de mim que vou tentar não esquecer de você.

As per usual, I missed you , I’m sure all of us here miss you too. I hope you’re resting peacefully. A pandemic occurred here and it affected most of our lives. Masks are now mandatory, social distancing is being practiced too. We can no longer celebrate the festives like how we used to. There are strict rules that we have to follow or else, we’ll get fined or even jailed. However, all of us had no choice but to adapt quickly to the new rules and I believe that we adapt well to it. Thank god for new technologies, we get to video call or chat with each other to stay in touch. You would have loved to do that.

Our family is doing okay! We’re all fine and staying our best to be healthy. Recently, your eldest grandson got married! It was a quick and simple but meaningful one. It’s nice to see them happy. I’m still schooling, about 6 more months to go! Miss you atuk, say hi to nenek for me okay? We all love you a lot.

I remember when we first met, when Evan added me into that group chat and I got to meet you for the first time, I was afraid of you. Well, I was afraid of everyone, but I’d heard about you first, so I was scared I wasn’t going to make a good impression. But when we finally talked, it was like I was being welcomed into a family. You called me your daughter, and I called you my mother. We shared many interests, and we loved to bond about them, and then whenever I listened to Arctic Monkeys’ Arabella, my smile came from thinking about you.

I didn’t even get to say goodbye, and it took me 3 months to figure out that I actually had one more opportunity to, briefly, but I already thought you were gone. It took me even longer to get over it, and I’m still not over it. Initially, I thought that I wasn’t going to be in such a state over an online friend, but the loss of you wrecked me. I can’t stop thinking about you. I held every piece of conversation we’ve had in my hands, and now the amount will stay ... Read more

Daha önce buraya başka dillerde bir çok kişiye mektup yazdım ama kendime hiç yazmamıştım.Kendim için aslında hiçbir zaman bir şeyler yazmadım ama artık yazmam gerekiyormuş gibi hissediyorum.Çünkü kaybettiğim kişiler yazdıklarımı okuyamaz.Bir şeyleri değiştiremem.Onlarla ilgili her şey geçmişin penceresinde bir çerçevenin içinde hiç değişmeyecek şekilde asılı kaldılar.Elimde ise değiştirebileceğim bir tek ben varım.

Hayatımızda bizi eleştiren bir çok insan var ve bu oldukça zorlayıcı olabiliyor.Ama en kötüsü bence insanın kendini eleştirmesi.Ben böyleyim.Her yaptığımı en çok ben eleştirdiğim için başkaları eleştirdiğinde şaşırmıyorum artık.Beni belki de en çok ben incittim bu hayatta.

Artık böyle olmak istemiyorum.Geçmişte bir çok hata yaptım ve biliyorum ki ilerde de yapmaya devam edeceğim.İnsan olmanın bir kuralı gibi bir şey bu.Ama aynısını bir başkası yapsa kendimi eleştirdiğim kadar onu eleştirmeyeceğimi biliyorum.Bunu aklımda tutmalıyım.Daha merhametli olmalıyım kendime karşı.

Umarım olabilirim.Bunu okuyan ve benimle aynı şeyleri yaşayan kim var sa umarım o da olabilir.

Dear Gramps, It’s been a few years since you’ve left. I should probably tell you how much of a coincidence this is. I mean I visited you not that long ago and now here I am writing to you. It’s been a wild ride let me tell you oldtimer. You’ve taught me a lot in my younger days, days I barely remember. How to be a man. It’s sad though. I can’t recall when you held me as a child, or when you brought me to school, and picked me up. How you and grandma would just watch us play all day long. You’ve done so much but I only remember so little. I can only remember the suffering mainly. It almost brings me to tears. Oh how I miss you, and would give up anything to have you hold me one more time. Explain what a tackle box is or even see you in the stands cheering me on. Now you are in the bleachers of the sky, with your hat and grin. Waving and cheering from above, always on the side of good. You were disciplined and strict, always straight forward. I would kill for your lessons. The one ... Read more

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