"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

My little CECE mouse,

Yesterday would have been your birthday, your majority, your 18 years old honey. You would certainly have celebrated that with a small party, surrounded with the ones you love and who, above all, loves you so very much. I probably would have been there but I guess our journey made a pose when you left the city of our childhood.

Do you remember these evenings we spent chattering in your bed, hoping not to be caught by the parents? These days we spent twittering in playground – Mimi, Lil, You and me, the most explosive of Benettons? Or these hours we spent bringing out clothes and disguises of your white cupboard? And these uncountable times when you clowned around in the street to show us your “feet out of duck” as you called them? I do not know why but my memory of child gives me back me these flashes of souvenirs sometimes. This striking kind of memories that transforms two kids into happy girls and grown-up women.

But if there was a thing I should remember about you, it would certainly be your little giggle, like a mouse, a soft ternary melody that highlighted your white teeth and your freckles, ... Read more

Your first name escapes me even now, and i hate that. I wish i’d know you better and had something to mourn when you passed. I never knew you, of course i met you but those are two very different things. I’m not one for believing in the after life, but if there is one i hope you’re happy there.

I really miss that times what we spend together. I miss how you look at me. I miss how you smile at me. I miss everything. I know that time is gone. That I can’t take back. Thats the saddest moment in my life. It’s almost 3 years when you die. But it still hurt me. All the time. I know you’re in better place and take care of me. From Heaven. At least when you were there I hit you so much! Every year when the day comes I cry a lot. I miss you still. I wish you was there!!

As old and feeble as your body was your last breathing moments, you were still smart. So why didn’t you take any action the minute before you died? Why didn’t you stop them from trying to pose as you, saying you never believed your theory? Well, I can’t blame you. It was your last moments alive. I feel a lot of sorrow, you getting thrown into jail, coming out when you were on the verge of death. And your death came so quick, you couldn’t stop the non-believers from trying to take over your book. You’re probably thinking why I know so much about you, aren’t you? “Sofia, come downstairs!” My dad called me. Well, I hope you have your own book made from your ashes that you can make, and you’ll do some sketches of the Solar System here and there. Hope your afterlife’s doing great, and if you ever read this letter, I hope you especially know one thing; your theory was absolutely, impeccably accurate. It’s not even a theory, it’s the truth now in this century.

22 wonderful years you lived on this planet and in a flash you were gone. And now it’s been a month since you’ve left. Halloween was your favorite time of year. Scaring people, dressing up, the candy. With you gone who’s going to help me eat candy corn? I was mad at first. Like really pissed off. But then at your funeral Rachel said something. As soon as they were about to end the service she really captured your life in a speech. And then I was sad. Because I knew you weren’t coming back. Now I’m scared to be without someone who’s been like a brother to me for 8 years. I miss you so much Blake. You taught me to accept and love who I am but you couldn’t hold onto yourself. I hope you’re happy where ever you are. You deserve it.

It’s been almost 3 years since you left this world but it’s still feels like it was yesterday. Everytime someone mentions you my eyes get full of pain.

I still remember the exact moment when I got the new, I was sleeping and my best friend stayed with me, then at 3:00 am my mom entered my room and woke me up. She just told me we had to make a trip, at first I got really excited because that meant seeing you and all the family, but just a second later I realized my mom was crying so I got really really scared because I didn’t understand, then she just said “it’s your grandpa” and then I knew…it was the most terrifying moment of my life.

My best friend tried to calm me, she helped put my clothes in the suitcase because I just sat in my bed thinking I needed black clothes.

The way to the airport and the trip itself all of us were very silent. As soon as we arrived to your house I started crying because I knew for sure that not ever again you will come out and received us with open arms.

I miss you, and I ... Read more

It’s been a long time since you left this world. It crushed me to find out one of my oldest friends had gone away, forever. We talked about anything and everything, and I miss having someone to do that with. Even when we just stared at walls, it was everything just to be in your company. I left after you died, and I’ve only now just came back. I still have many questions for you, which I hope I will get answers for, one day. I will never forget you.

Creio que hoje se estivesse aki não estaria fazendo essa carta a você mais sim a outra pessoa importante não minha vida des de que se foi tudo mudou tanto eu cresci muito desde então, na minha marmita sua imagem é falha mais ainda sim me recordo em fotos e histórias contadas a mim pois quando se foi eu era muito pequena para me importar o tanto que me importo hoje a falta que você faz não só a mim mais a todos a sua volta é tão grande mais com sua morte veio coisas inimagináveis como minha tia conhecer o marido no seu enterro ou minha madrinha finalmente ter uma filha ou eu finalmente ter percebido que a vida é curta de mais para eu querer desperdiça-lá com esse livro aprendi que a vida é muito mais do que sofrer por pouco ou que existem pessoas com dores e magoas piores que a minha é existem pessoas que as dores talvez não cheguem perto da minha comessei a escrever nas notas do meu celular sobre minha grande confusão não vida ou da vida acho que talvez tenha um futuro e comesse a escrever mais ainda estou nova e tenho ... Read more

Creio que hoje se estivesse aki não estaria fazendo essa carta a você mais sim a outra pessoa importante não minha vida des de que se foi tudo mudou tanto eu cresci muito desde então, na minha marmita sua imagem é falha mais ainda sim me recordo em fotos e histórias contadas a mim pois quando se foi eu era muito pequena para me importar o tanto que me importo hoje a falta que você faz não só a mim mais a todos a sua volta é tão grande mais com sua morte veio coisas inimagináveis como minha tia conhecer o marido no seu enterro ou minha madrinha finalmente ter uma filha ou eu finalmente ter percebido que a vida é curta de mais para eu querer desperdiça-lá com esse livro aprendi que a vida é muito mais do que sofrer por pouco ou que existem pessoas com dores e magoas piores que a minha é existem pessoas que as dores talvez não cheguem perto da minha comessei a escrever nas notas do meu celular sobre minha grande confusão não vida ou da vida acho que talvez tenha um futuro e comesse a escrever mais ainda estou nova e tenho ... Read more

Desde que você se foi, no começo de 2015, as coisas foram ficando mais difíceis. Eu sempre ria e sorria de verdade, em todos os momentos, os bons e os ruins. Agora eu não sorrio mais. Não de verdade. Não estando realmente feliz. Esse sentimento me deixou há quase 2 anos e agora eu finalmente consigo ver o impacto disso na minha vida. Não estou apenas cansada mental e fisicamente, eu não tenho mais vontade de viver, um objetivo de vida, sabe? É difícil de explicar e cada vez mais complexo o sentimento. Tanto que as vezes eu mesma nem consigo entender. Eu simplesmente não consigo mais me sentir motivada na escola, eu me esforço ainda, mas os resultados não vêm mais. Minhas notas começaram a ser baixas e eu passei a ser outra pessoa que não eu. Alguém que fizesse os outros felizes como eu não sou. Mas isso é muito forçado. É muito peso para conseguir levar normalmente. As pessoas agora me perguntam se está tudo bem. Eu deveria me sentir bem com isso, feliz por alguém perguntar. O que acontece é que, mesmo perguntando, sei que não se importam realmente com a resposta. Se sim, ótimo. Se ... Read more