"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

hi,

It’s been 18 years huh since you left us? We’re all doing okay, occasionally, we do talk about you. Its our way of coping when we miss you. I would like to visit you soon, but I can’t go to your grave without my parents. I’m almost done with school and finding jobs! I do hope I get the job I want, I’m sure if you’re still here with us, you’ll pray for me too hehe. The pandemic is easing, we can go visit houses without retrictions. Masks are only mandatory indoors now. Time really heals things huh? but i think its okay to miss things or people sometimes, like how i miss you and grandma. Sometimes I wished we had more time to get to know each other, but its okay! I’m sure you’ll be proud of me. Rest easy okay? We love you a lot.

it’s been almost 3 years since you left me, I still think about you everyday. I always told myself that I wouldn’t be able to live once you were gone, but i guess i was wrong. I wish I could’ve told you about all of the things that have happened since you left and even before you left. That guy I was dating for two years and introduced to you, he raped me, I wish I could’ve talked to you about it, my parents still don’t believe me. I know that you would’ve listened. I graduated high school 2 years ago. You were the one person I wanted to see me get my diploma and you obviously weren’t there. I keep picturing the day that I got the call, to come to the hospital and say goodbye. I tried to tell you that I was there, I don’t think you heard me. I like to believe that you did. I’m still not sure what I want to do with my life, Im not sure if i’ll ever figure it out either. That’s all for now I guess. Keep watching over for me, I hope you’re dancing up there Nana. ... Read more

Mãe foste embora muito cedo, me deixas-te sozinha. Este Mês fizes-te Anos e eu desejo-te tudo de Bom lá no céu com os anjinhos. Tenho saudades tuas e queria tanto estar contigo neste momento especial como antigamente, mas sei que não é possivel. Estou a fazer o crisma e a tirar a carta de condução, por isso deseja-me sorte e força. Es e sempre seras o meu anjinho no meu caminho. Faço muitas perguntas a mim mesma sobre porque é que te foste embora. Mas sei que nunca vou obter resposta. So te queria desejar um Feliz Aniversario ai em cima com os anjinhos e dizer que te amo muito muito muito e que desde que te foste embora que nunca mais tive carinho e amor familiar, do qual sinto muita falta. Amor, Felicidade, Carinho, Alegria e Familia palavras antigas das quais tu fizeste parte. Tenho saudades tuas eternamente, continua a olhar por mim dai de cima e me guia no meu caminho.

Mom, you went away too soon, leaving me alone. This month was your birthday and I wish you all the best in heaven with the little angels. I miss you and I wanted so much to be with you ... Read more

I still love you.

I still love you.

You aren’t dead, but you were dead to me until you came back into my life yesterday. I’m not sure how I’m supposed to feel about it all. I’m married now, I had moved on. But now you’re back and apologizing.

When I walked out that day, I had to find my own closure. And I did just that. I gave myself no time to grieve the break up, I lost all my friends that day I walked out, because your friends were my friends. I was numb. I didn’t cry. But somehow, burying myself into something bigger than me helped me move on. A piece of me died the day I walked out, and it stayed in that doorway of the apartment. But, what I learned was, the piece of me that died, I don’t miss. A large part of my identity was you. I didn’t allow myself to be strong and independent because my whole life I’ve only cared to care for those around me, but that day, a large chunk of that died when I walked out.

I never spoke to you again. I made peace with it. Then, you moved back home to Alabama, and last ... Read more

I miss you, everyone says that you are still hear but it doesn’t seem like it. I don’t know if I can move on, even though it has been a while I miss you so much. I want to see you again see your actual smile and not the ones in photos you were and are my best friend and I love you so much. If I had one last chance to say goodbye I would have told you so much and said sorry for so many stupid things. I wish you were still here with me instead of somewhere I don’t even know if you are even somewhere. Please come back one day just one. I miss our jokes and code names and your laugh now the only time I hear your voice is in videos. I will never forget you and I hope you never forget me.

Os dias ruins não duram para sempre afinal.

Estou de viagem. O meu medo paralisante de estar num avião virou passado, pelo menos é o que eu acredito. Agora quem sabe eu consiga enfrentar meus outros medos com mais coragem no peito. Assim que descobrir, te conto.

Aqui é bonito. Gostaria que tivesse conhecido, você ficaria maluco com tantas belezas e possibilidades. Não faltariam opções para você e seu espírito livre, cheio de curiosidade.

Enfim, só queria dizer que estou com saudades.

Não esquece de mim. Muita luz para você onde quer que esteja.

you’re not dead, but it feels like that to me.

we both knew it would be hard to make a long distance relationship work. but i always felt like i’d rather have you from far away than to not have you at all. it was worth it, you know? it was worth it, because when we stayed up all night, even though we’d have to work our asses off the next morning… when i was falling asleep to the sound of your breath, i could almost swear you were right there, with me. because when i was finally getting to the airport, i could feel my heart beating SO HARD that i couldn’t believe that god would allow me, of all the people in the world, to feel this good. because whenever we were actually together, nothing. else. mattered. it was my skin on your skin and i just couldn’t believe the way my entire body NEEDED yours, lost in lust and passion and care and love and all the most beautifully chaotic feelings in the world. because, you looked at me with those cliché worth blue fucking eyes and i simply couldn’t breathe and all i ever needed in the world was your hug ... Read more

Desculpa. Desculpa do fundo do meu coração. Você sabe porquê.

Eu poderia vir aqui e te contar tudo que mudou na minha vida desde então, mas por dentro nada mudou e eu não sei como fazer mudar.

Eu vou procurar ajuda, de novo, pois tudo voltou pior e eu não quero sair da cama. Sei que pode ser só um dia difícil e a manhã seguinte pode ser boa, mas tenho medo de não ser e eu não ter mais o que fazer.

Sinto sua falta, gostaria de te apresentar as pessoas que eu amo, estar deitada no seu peito comendo bolacha e bebendo nescau, como quando tudo era simples. Falar de você parece tão fácil na minha cabeça, tenho tantas memórias bonitas, mas falar para os outros parece diminuir tudo que a gente foi. Me dói tanto escrever que fomos e não somos.

Espero que você esteja recebendo muita luz onde quer que esteja. Não esquece de mim que vou tentar não esquecer de você.