"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

I remember listening to you for the first time. My grandfather absolutely adores you and he would say you were amazing with a guitar but I never really listened to you. I was in San Francisco and I saw the apartment where you died and I immediately wanted to hear your work. I listened to “Purple Haze”, I fell into it in an instant. It’s said that people like you die, I just don’t know if you wanted to die or nit and that’s what kills me. I hope I get to ask you. Your talent is now just a memory… not something to look forwards to and that really sucks.

Two years ago, I was in tenth grade when I first read your book, “It’s Kind Of A Funny Story.” It wasn’t the cover that attracted me to it, rather it was because a lot of my classmates had their own copies under their desk chairs, so I decided to ditch my growing reading list and finally get around reading your book. It didn’t take too long for me to find myself falling head over heels with it.

Your book was the kind that would stick by me throughout the years. I didn’t love your book merely for your writing style (which was amazing, by the way, and I’m a big fan of it), or the whole plot of it. I love it because I really feel so much about it. I feel what the characters feel, especially in Craig’s part. I feel the situation they’re trapped in. I feel that I actually relate to it, because I know those feelings and those thoughts of Craig. They were all so familiar, because everyday, I know them and I keep on living and living with just knowing them as I carry out my daily routine.

After I finished reading your book, it left ... Read more

I don’t even know you, yet I seem to be writting to you. I guess you’re not dead (I hope not) but I feel safe writting to you anyway. I wish i could know you. ever since that party I’ve not been able to stop thinking about you although it’s a lot better. At first I couldn’t fall to sleep without being consumed with longing, self-hatred and memories. Now its just a quiter nagging at the back of my mind occationally. I’ve acepted that if I meet you again it will be the time of my life but until then… I will wait. Its competely illogial. How I feel about you but also – even if I found out that you were in the same position as me, it would be impossible to keep a realtionship going across the country and with no contact but email and maybe occationally phone. But this doesn’t erase the fact that I still really like you. I shouldn’t really, you could actually be a serial killer or something crazy like that. Lets hope not. You live in the next town from my Granny ... Read more

How are you? Where are you? I wish you were still here. I really miss you. So much. Recently, i just remebered something, in was staning in my bedroom and i suddenly remembered. It was like I’d forgotten about it but then it seemed impossible. You always told me to work hard, to work really hard at school so that I could be sucessful in life. You also said to work really hard because you didn’t, although at the time I didn’t see why beacause you seemed pretty sucessful to me. If i had a life like your i think i would be happy. I don’t think I really took it in at the time, sure I did , I knew what you were saying but I never processed it properly or concidered what it meant. I suppose thats what you do when you’re a child. You gave me your school badge when I passed my 11+ and told mummy on the phone that the news had ‘made your year’. That made me so pround. I made me want to work hard for you. Lately I’ve been ... Read more

Granny, I just wanted to tell you that we went for a walk today. We only went for a walk a midday because I’d had to do my lit. rev. for my RS project so we had lunch first at a pub that looked just like the pub in Steyning that you liked going to, ‘the castle’. I remember going there with you and daddy not long before you left. I really enjoyed that. I remember feeling so grown up with just you and daddy. You always seem so pleased to see me and it made me feel really special. I miss you. I miss writing to you. I write to mimi and maggie but its just not really the same. Sometimes I feel really lonley even though i’m around other people. I feel like I don’t really fit in. I that nerdy girl who sits in the corner and is ugly and not very confident. I have friends, really good ones, and i’m so glad about that. I suppose I can’t have everythiong. Except, I’m still that nerdy unpopular girl but i’m not smart anymor. I’m ... Read more

I know this seems silly, writing to a dog, but they didn’t specify who we could write to.

I miss you more and more every day. It sucks, living in a house where I can’t have dogs and thinking of you all the time. It makes me want to cry. I’m sorry they put the baby above you but it’s what needed to be done. I’m almost sure the shelter put you down. You were just a bit too rowdy to a fault. It’s okay though. You were loyal to a fault to. You’d be punished for something bad that you did and you’d go crawling back to him as if nothing ever happened.I thnk sometimes that after she got pregnant you needed some one to show some love. I gladly would have done it. You were huge and dark and super friendly. I remember the first time you met Tinkerbell. You just wanted to play but she could feel the hyper-activeness in you. She scratched you and you sulked away, hurt. It was the first and only time I’d ever seen you back down from a challenge. I learned through you that a true friend will stay with ... Read more

You were my grandpa’s best friend. You always had a crush on mom and grandma even though they’ve both married and moved on. You were so kind and always sang the loudest in church. I’d hear your voice and thik, ‘Yep I hear Mackie.’

You were sick as hell but still you came to church as often as you could. You taught me some things that I’ll never forget.

1. Always be kind. You never know whose watching. Mom always loved that about you. ‘The nicest, senile, old man I’ve ever met.’

2. Where there’s a church ther’s a way. Mom told me you were supposed to die alot sooner than you did. I alwas wondered why and then it hit me. You were at church. People say just going to church adds ten years to your life.

3. Never give up on unrequited love. Mom always smiled when you’d flirt with her and it just never occured to you that maybe she wasn’t interested. You just kept flirting and kept smiling ’till the day you left the eath.

I miss you. More and more every single day. You’re in my heart, always, of course, but it’s not the same. People say that time heals all wounds, and I guess I agree, but not enough time has passed. Eight months, one day. You were such a beautiful boy, with a kind soul. I loved you so much. I love you. I refuse to speak about you in the past tense. Your memory lives on, despite your physical being having left us. I don’t know what else to say, except that I miss you so much.

Yours

I know that I’m not really that educated about you and all that but I viewed you as a strong women. You thought little of yourself and had a hard childhood. Yet you still grew up gorgeous and amazing . Although you were a sex figure you still showed power. How if you don’t like something change it . Though you had it hard as a kid you showed how being poor and having a bad childhood can’t hold you back when you get older . I want to be like you when I grow up more .

I recently read this book that really hit home with me. I think you would have liked it, too. Well, as much as you could have liked a book like that. It’s lacking a good amount of swords and action for your taste.

There were a lot of lines in this book that made me have to stop, put the book down, and just kind of compose myself — way too many to recite here. They all made me think of you.

The letters that the protagonist wrote to Kurt Cobain ring the most prominent in my mind. The one in particular where the main character calls out Kurt for leaving his daughter, for killing himself, really struck a nerve, as you of course, can imagine. I can relate. I can’t really wrap my head around the fact that you were able to leave you mom, sister, brother, friends, and me, behind. Suicide doesn’t end the pain. It just passes it on to someone else.

This book really helped me realize my feelings as I go through missing you. I realize that it is okay to feel guilty, okay to feel crippling grief, and okay to feel angry as all hell. It’s ... Read more