"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Hey grandma. (mother’s side). I miss you. I do. Even though we’re not close like your favorite grandson and grand daughter which are my cousins. I’m so sorry if I was the only one who didn’t cry at your funeral. I want to but I just can’t. I’m so broken inside honestly. I’m so broken by the people who hurt me and left me without saying goodbye or telling any reason why they left. I was tired of crying that I felt my heart has turned into stone. I want to cry. I want to cry in front of your dead body but I just can’t, I really don’t know why. I’m so hurt, I’m trying to be strong everyday. I always talk to my diary (not literally, I meant write). It’s good to have a diary around you, so that you can express your feelings and lessen the burden that you’re carrying. That’s what I always do grandma, but still there’s missing, I don’t know what it is but it’s making me sad. It’s makes me want to kill myself again. If it wasn’t for music for sure I’m dead. You know what grandma, how I wish you can ... Read more

im not dead but im kind of are. all i feel inside of me is emptiness i don’t have anyone… i do bad stuff to myself and all i want is to be a happy kid again sometimes im fine and i joke around with my friends and family but then other times i just want to be left a lone and that’s when i fall on that big dark whole and it takes me a lot to get back up…i lost my best friend because of that stupid whole. sometimes i just feel like ending it but.. then i don’t want to die i feel like i just want someone to save me. but i know that’s never gonna happen… a lot of people tell me that im young and a lot of stuff to do still that i still have a whole life to live but… it seems pointless to me. i do everything wrong and i mess up everything. sometimesni just feel worthless, well maybe i am.

okay I just wanted to say that I miss you so much… your not death or anything but I wish you could still be the happy little child you used to be.. before anything bad happened.. you were just a sweet innocent little girl. but then everything changed you stopped being happy, and stopped making jokes for the family. I wish you could still be here cause everyone misses you. I wanted to write you because nobody understands you and I know that you are going to rough times. and I know that you are trying a lot not to fall again on that black hole. a lot of people tell me that if I wanted I could change again to that little happy kid and I wish I could but I just don’t know how. when I read the book “love letters to the dead” and saw that last page that’s said “do you have something to say to someone who’s gone” I though about you. I liked the idea of writing so… well I don’t know I mean I could end up writing to you again. I just wanted to say that I miss being like ... Read more

Why did you go? I was little but you left. I never knew you but whenever I think of something it some how ends up being about you. You left me to face my own battles. To see how cruel and vicious the world is. But also to find the hidden beauty in all of it. Wherever you are I imagine you watching over me and that scares me. It’s scary to think that you can see all my flaws and mistakes. I always think if you were here what would you think of me. I was this positive ,bubbly person and out of nowhere I could only see darkness. Sometimes I can be the happiest person ever but other times I just want to take life’s clock and smash it against the floor. Every time we go and visit your grave I don’t know what to say because I feel like I’ve disappointed you. How I’m wasting my life being sad while you never got the chance to live yours. When I think of you I imagine you as my guardian angel looking after me. Fighting battles against the demons in my head I’m just scared that one day ... Read more

This year you would be a senior. On the brink of crossing over into almost adulthood. I wonder where you would have gone to college? Being a freshman in high school is pretty overrated. I know you never got to experience it, but be glad. Friend drama really sucks. But, I don’t think you would have had any problems with it. You were always so level-headed, and your friends were nice too, or the ones I met anyways. But, that was a long time ago. And I was like 11. Or 10. I remember your friends sleeping over for your birthday, and I remember the surprise phone you got. It had a keyboard. You thought it was the best. I thought it was the best. I remember crying when my mom came to pick me up, because I wasn’t allowed to stay over. I remember us plus all of our cousins putting on skits for our family. Eating at mamaw’s house every single Sunday. After we ate, we would go out to the rodeo pen and play in the stables. Running around the maze of bars that made up the pen. Messing with the cows, horses, and pigs that it ... Read more

I WASNT KNOW YOU WHEN YOU DİED BECAUSE IM TOO SMALL. BUT NOW IM THİNKİNG I WİSH I CAN GO TO YOUR CONCERTS OR WHATEVER. BUT ITS NOT A BİG PROBLEM. BECAUSE I CAN FEEL YOUR FEELİNG AND YOUR OLD OR PRESENT THOUGHTS. SOMEONE CAN ASK,SHE DİED HOW CAN HER THOUGHTS İN THE PRESENT. SOME THİNKS AND THOUGHTS NEVER DİES LİKE YOURS. PEOPLE WANT TO PUT YOU SOME SHAPES LİKE YOUR DOUGH OR WANT TO PLAY WİTH YOU A TOY . YOU WANT DONT LET THEM BUT WE CAN DO SOMETHİNGS WE DONT KNOW THAT WE DO. SO MAYBE CA CAN DİD TOO. BUT I DONT KNOW.

Maybe thats wrong idea to right messega you over here bur ı can’t find where can ı send tis letter. I love your book Ava can ı call you like this,because I’m little bit young and smaller than you. This book make me think really deep about it. That’ your real lifestory,isnt it? All the hint goes there. Im from Turkey,my English isnt perfect so i can do some grammer mistakes. If this letter would be Turkish,ı could wrifht more perfectly but now ı cant. And your sister,and your feelings,and Love Letters Dead,and all these little things. Im so gratefull tfor wrting this. I cant out all my felling beacuse of language. Sorry for that. I love you…

Hey mom, I miss you. It’s been about a year and a half since you passed. I’ve thought about you every day, thinking about all of the good times we’ve had. I loved it when we had our little movie dates, or make dinner together, or just sit and read. Even the little things we did, I enjoyed them. I always thought it was funny how you ate ice cream with a fork. Sang our favorite songs in the car. And how I always found out the cool songs from you! You loved the sound of rain. I miss all of our little conversations. I really wish I would’ve got to talk to you more. I could say a million things to you right now, but that would take forever! My only wish is that I could build stairs from here to heaven and bring you home. But unfortunately I don’t have that power. I know heaven is good and safe an all, sorry I’m being selfish but I want you back. So bad. I just want one more day to spend with you and tell you everything. I’ll keep this letter short though. I love you mom, I ... Read more

I know you had a lot of family, and I also know you died young. But part of me doesn’t think that many people, if any, really understood you. You had your own path that you were destined to go down. Your stubbornness ruined it. You had a lot going for you and your life had only just begun. Nobody truly knew how you felt. If I could tell you one thing, it’s that you inspired me more than anybody else. I can only imagine what you would have accomplished by now if you were still here. I say that lightly, because you are here. You always will be. You’re everywhere and with everybody you have ever known because that’s just the type of person you are. It’s hard to forget somebody so talented. You died a great person, and all I hope is that you knew that too.

I can’t beleive your gone. It’s only been a day since I’ve found out but you’ve been gone for over a month. It hurts to think you’ll never get to be past 25. You were young. Did you do it on purpose or did you think there would still be a tomorrow for you? Have you watched over me? I would have found out tomorrow but I decided to dig through google about my past, looking up names that I know. What if Maykayla hates you when she grows up? I won’t let her. Did you think about us? Me. Dad, Hunter, Maykayla? Or was it us, things you didn’t have anymore, that drove you to continue? What if I hadn’t avoided you and tried to contact you sooner? Could I have helped you, or just caused myself more pain? I’ll talk to you later. I love you.