"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

No, you’re not dead or missing, just missing from my life… Not truly there, MIA… Here, but somewhere else. Today I am having a day of silence.. Why? To recognize those in the LGBT+ Community for being who they are…

I can’t be who I am with you; a sad, conflicted bisexual who runs away from their problems. For being classified as “emo” for liking what I like. I’m a “fag.”

I don’t understand what I’m feeling. It’s kind of hard to put to words. It’s been two years since you took your life and I’ve done a lot of thinking since then. The night you took your life, you told me you loved me and I thought it was the craziest thing in the world. Why would someone ever love me? Why you of all people? I thought a lot about the few months we were friends and I finally realized something I should’ve a long time ago. I was in love with you. I can’t even believe I’m admitting this. The night you took your life you verbally abused me so I don’t understand why I’d ever admit this fact. But the key word in that statement, is fact. I was in love with you. After all the crap I’m going through because of you, I’m still able to say that. I haven’t loved another soul after you and I don’t think I ever will. My heart shattered to the point where I don’t think it can be mended. This makes me question why I’m writing this letter. It seems stupid. You ended up being the reason for my parents ... Read more

it was too soon. no one realized that your last album was a letter. a letter telling all the ones you loved not to cry. i cried. i sat in my room all day and replayed all of the records of yours that i own i watched all of your videos on youtube i rented all of your movies on amazon. i even painted my face with your signature lightning bolt. i miss your wailing voice. i miss the eye that didnt mach the other. i miss the way your voice was the last thing i heard at night, and the first thing i heard in the morning.

when did you deside, to pack up and leave. did you even think? or did you just do it? after all, you did say “its better to burn out than to fade away” i wonder what you are doing now. say hi to amy for me

i miss you. i need you. i cant understand why you would just get up and leave me. you were my first love, and my last. you taught me that kids are still depressed when you dress them up, and syrup is still syrup in a sippy cup. please come back to me.

Hey grandma. (mother’s side). I miss you. I do. Even though we’re not close like your favorite grandson and grand daughter which are my cousins. I’m so sorry if I was the only one who didn’t cry at your funeral. I want to but I just can’t. I’m so broken inside honestly. I’m so broken by the people who hurt me and left me without saying goodbye or telling any reason why they left. I was tired of crying that I felt my heart has turned into stone. I want to cry. I want to cry in front of your dead body but I just can’t, I really don’t know why. I’m so hurt, I’m trying to be strong everyday. I always talk to my diary (not literally, I meant write). It’s good to have a diary around you, so that you can express your feelings and lessen the burden that you’re carrying. That’s what I always do grandma, but still there’s missing, I don’t know what it is but it’s making me sad. It’s makes me want to kill myself again. If it wasn’t for music for sure I’m dead. You know what grandma, how I wish you can ... Read more

im not dead but im kind of are. all i feel inside of me is emptiness i don’t have anyone… i do bad stuff to myself and all i want is to be a happy kid again sometimes im fine and i joke around with my friends and family but then other times i just want to be left a lone and that’s when i fall on that big dark whole and it takes me a lot to get back up…i lost my best friend because of that stupid whole. sometimes i just feel like ending it but.. then i don’t want to die i feel like i just want someone to save me. but i know that’s never gonna happen… a lot of people tell me that im young and a lot of stuff to do still that i still have a whole life to live but… it seems pointless to me. i do everything wrong and i mess up everything. sometimesni just feel worthless, well maybe i am.

okay I just wanted to say that I miss you so much… your not death or anything but I wish you could still be the happy little child you used to be.. before anything bad happened.. you were just a sweet innocent little girl. but then everything changed you stopped being happy, and stopped making jokes for the family. I wish you could still be here cause everyone misses you. I wanted to write you because nobody understands you and I know that you are going to rough times. and I know that you are trying a lot not to fall again on that black hole. a lot of people tell me that if I wanted I could change again to that little happy kid and I wish I could but I just don’t know how. when I read the book “love letters to the dead” and saw that last page that’s said “do you have something to say to someone who’s gone” I though about you. I liked the idea of writing so… well I don’t know I mean I could end up writing to you again. I just wanted to say that I miss being like ... Read more

Why did you go? I was little but you left. I never knew you but whenever I think of something it some how ends up being about you. You left me to face my own battles. To see how cruel and vicious the world is. But also to find the hidden beauty in all of it. Wherever you are I imagine you watching over me and that scares me. It’s scary to think that you can see all my flaws and mistakes. I always think if you were here what would you think of me. I was this positive ,bubbly person and out of nowhere I could only see darkness. Sometimes I can be the happiest person ever but other times I just want to take life’s clock and smash it against the floor. Every time we go and visit your grave I don’t know what to say because I feel like I’ve disappointed you. How I’m wasting my life being sad while you never got the chance to live yours. When I think of you I imagine you as my guardian angel looking after me. Fighting battles against the demons in my head I’m just scared that one day ... Read more

This year you would be a senior. On the brink of crossing over into almost adulthood. I wonder where you would have gone to college? Being a freshman in high school is pretty overrated. I know you never got to experience it, but be glad. Friend drama really sucks. But, I don’t think you would have had any problems with it. You were always so level-headed, and your friends were nice too, or the ones I met anyways. But, that was a long time ago. And I was like 11. Or 10. I remember your friends sleeping over for your birthday, and I remember the surprise phone you got. It had a keyboard. You thought it was the best. I thought it was the best. I remember crying when my mom came to pick me up, because I wasn’t allowed to stay over. I remember us plus all of our cousins putting on skits for our family. Eating at mamaw’s house every single Sunday. After we ate, we would go out to the rodeo pen and play in the stables. Running around the maze of bars that made up the pen. Messing with the cows, horses, and pigs that it ... Read more