"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

te quiero pedir perdón lamento tanto no haber podido estar contigo ese día de no haber podido decirte un ultimo adiós, ha pasado un año y todavía no me lo creo aun siento que puedo ir a tu casa y encontrarte viendo el beisbol, no se que mas decir, te extraño; extraño cuando nos hablas de dios, del reino de los cielos estoy segura que ahorita estas con perico y Manuel lo único que me hace sentir mejor es que se que ya no sufres y por fin estas en paz

perdóname porque siento que no te dije las veces suficientes cuan importante eras para mi, sinceramente no se que mas decir creo que siento celos por el hecho de que mi familia tenia una conexión contigo que yo no tuve o mas bien no se si tuve ,el hecho de que ellos han soñado contigo y yo no me hace sentir mal porque yo no te he podido volver a ver, la ultima vez que te vi fue cuando estábamos en el balcón viendo a la carroza transportar tu cuerpo al rancho , extrañamente ese día no me sentí mal pero ahora no se que mas hacer siento ... Read more

I love you. We all love you. Shinee, minho, taemin, and onew. I always liked your smile, your laughter, and everything about you. I know things were probably tough, but I didn’t know things were that bad. We’re sorry we couldn’t get you out of there, and we’re sorry for everything we put you through. I miss you. I listen to lonely with my buds plucked in my ears at night, crying tears streaming down my face. I loved you, and I still love you. You were a ledgend, one that outshined anyone on the planet. You not only helped me through the days I felt like I was stuck in a hole, but also on the days I felt like I couldn’t breathe. You were like a breath of fresh air that comforted everyone, but didn’t have anyone to be comforted by. You told her you would see her in 10 years but you left us 2 years ago. You left behind us, and shinee. It’s not a bad thing, but I feel so sick and terrible. I always loved your side profile, and the way you wore a hat. It looked so cool and handsome, I was always ... Read more

I am going to write a letter to you. I realize now that I should have done this long ago. There’s something I’ve been beating myself up about. I want to forgive myself, and I want to feel strong enough to believe that you are not upset with me, and that if you ever were, you have forgiven me. There are things I would change if I could go back, but that’s why people say that hindsight is 20/20.

I am not going to write the letter here. I do not want to write it here, this does not feel right for me. But I am going to write this precursor to it to let you know I will write a letter and to remind myself. I cannot promise I will write it soon but I will do it, sometime.

I love you, Memere.

You can have a letter friend if you want.

Bunu İngilizce yazmayı düşündüm ama kendimi ana dilimden daha iyi ifade edebileceğimi sanmıyorum.Zaten başkalarının okuyup okumamasının da pek bir önemi yok.

Bu kitabı ilk okuduğumda hayatımda kimseyi kaybetmemiştim ama kayıp bu olmalı diye düşündüğümü hatırlıyorum.Her zaman söze dökemesende her davranışını etkileyen ve hayatının gidişatını etkileyen bir acı.Bu acıyı kendimde yaşayınca anladım ki kitapta anlatılana gerçekten benziyor.

Kitabı okuyalı yıllar oldu bu yüzden tam olarak olayların nasıl ilerlediğini hatırlamıyorum ama baş karakterin kendisini suçladığını hatırlıyorum.Birini kaybettiğinde gerçekten de kötü anılar daha akılda kalıcı olabiliyor.Bizim yaşadığımız birçok güzel anı var ama ben sana yaptığım haksızlıkları en çok hatırlıyorum.Belkide biz insanların yapısı budur,bilmiyorum.

Yazabileceğim pek fazla bir şey yok.Seni kaybetmenin acısı hiçbir zaman geçmiyor ama zamanla alışıyorum galiba .Ben en çok bundan korkuyorum sanırım.Alışmaktan.Sen bunca yıl hayatımdayken birkaç yılda yokluğuna alışmak sana yapacağım en büyük yanlışlık gibi geliyor.Ama biliyorumki ben de öldüğüm zaman benim yokluğuma da alışacaklar.Belki de bu istemeden yapacak olduğumun yanlışlığını biraz olsun hafifletir.

Senden bahsederken geçmiş zaman hakkında konuşmak o kadar zor ki bu yüzden aynı zamanda isminden bahsetmeyeceğim.Seni çok özlüyorum.Seninle geçirdiğim çocukluğumu özlüyorum.Keşke o günlere geri dönebilseydim.Yaptıklarım için beni affet.

maybe i’m not a person who exit about my life but i want to write a letter for me, since the pandemic start i really feel very alone and sad and not beacause i miss my friends i really don’t have friends but i want to found me and i dont know how

I wish I could have shared more laughs with you.

I wish I could have told you how much you truly meant to me. You were kind, talented, funny, the most caring person I’ve ever met. I wish I had talked to you more before you passed and told you I loved you every single day.

You wrote moving poetry. Deep, raw, sad and emotionally charged poetry. I made a promise to myself, that I would illustrate all your poems, publish them under your name and all the profit would go to organizations that help prevent suicide. It’s a promise I plan on keeping.

You also made me promise if you ever died I would go to your funeral. I couln’t keep that one and I am so sorry. But one day I’ll visit you wherever you are, take that metaphorically or literally.

You were the first person to teach me what true love is. And in my heart that love keeps you alive. You didn’t end up like the picture in a snowglobe (that’s my favorite poem of yours).

Forever in my heart

I wrote this down in a journal not too long ago, but I decided I would post this letter to you. Why not? Anyway, here goes.

You loved Pink Floyd. I only met you a few times, but I can still see your smile. I can still picture the way you were so thirsty for our clean, cold tap water (Dad said it wasn’t like that in Florida). I still remember Dad telling me about your underage drinking and drugs after Mom and Alex went to bed.

I was sitting at the kitchen table in our old house when he set a newspaper down in front of me. The headline went something like this: “17-YEAR-OLD DRUNK DRIVING INCIDENT; KILLS ONE PERSON”. Dad pleaded with me not to tell Mom that he told me about it when I was so young (I may have been seven, but I have a distorted concept of time haha). I agreed I wouldn’t tell.

We never talked about you much, but you fascinate me. When you died a few years ago, I was at the beach with Mom, Dad, and Alex. It was before sunset, but still pretty late nonetheless. I was on the swing set of the ... Read more

Tenho sonhado com vc, nos meus sonhos vc está vivo, conversando, assistindo jogos, no subconsciente eu sei que vc morreu, lembro do velório e de tudo, mas no momento em que te vejo penso que deve ter sido só um sonho e então eu acordo, desejando que realmente fosse um sonho. Sinto sua falta todos os dias, é triste demais saber que nunca mais vou te ver, ouvir vc insistir pra eu te chamar de pai, assistir uns filmes bem chatos, como sinto falta de tudo isso. Desculpa se não aproveitei direito todos os 23 anos que tivemos juntos e se algumas vezes te tratei mal ou se não fui boa filha. Quero te dizer que o Ronne me pediu em casamento no meu aniversário ano passado e vamos casar ano que vem, queria que estivesse aqui pra entrar comigo. Chamei o Arthur pra fazer seu papel, mas toda vez que penso nesse dia quero chorar, pq sei que vc não estará lá. Espero um dia te encontrar em um lugar melhor.