"More than a stunning debut. It is the announcement of a bold new literary voice"
—Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

As per usual, I missed you , I’m sure all of us here miss you too. I hope you’re resting peacefully. A pandemic occurred here and it affected most of our lives. Masks are now mandatory, social distancing is being practiced too. We can no longer celebrate the festives like how we used to. There are strict rules that we have to follow or else, we’ll get fined or even jailed. However, all of us had no choice but to adapt quickly to the new rules and I believe that we adapt well to it. Thank god for new technologies, we get to video call or chat with each other to stay in touch. You would have loved to do that.

Our family is doing okay! We’re all fine and staying our best to be healthy. Recently, your eldest grandson got married! It was a quick and simple but meaningful one. It’s nice to see them happy. I’m still schooling, about 6 more months to go! Miss you atuk, say hi to nenek for me okay? We all love you a lot.

I remember when we first met, when Evan added me into that group chat and I got to meet you for the first time, I was afraid of you. Well, I was afraid of everyone, but I’d heard about you first, so I was scared I wasn’t going to make a good impression. But when we finally talked, it was like I was being welcomed into a family. You called me your daughter, and I called you my mother. We shared many interests, and we loved to bond about them, and then whenever I listened to Arctic Monkeys’ Arabella, my smile came from thinking about you.

I didn’t even get to say goodbye, and it took me 3 months to figure out that I actually had one more opportunity to, briefly, but I already thought you were gone. It took me even longer to get over it, and I’m still not over it. Initially, I thought that I wasn’t going to be in such a state over an online friend, but the loss of you wrecked me. I can’t stop thinking about you. I held every piece of conversation we’ve had in my hands, and now the amount will stay ... Read more

Daha önce buraya başka dillerde bir çok kişiye mektup yazdım ama kendime hiç yazmamıştım.Kendim için aslında hiçbir zaman bir şeyler yazmadım ama artık yazmam gerekiyormuş gibi hissediyorum.Çünkü kaybettiğim kişiler yazdıklarımı okuyamaz.Bir şeyleri değiştiremem.Onlarla ilgili her şey geçmişin penceresinde bir çerçevenin içinde hiç değişmeyecek şekilde asılı kaldılar.Elimde ise değiştirebileceğim bir tek ben varım.

Hayatımızda bizi eleştiren bir çok insan var ve bu oldukça zorlayıcı olabiliyor.Ama en kötüsü bence insanın kendini eleştirmesi.Ben böyleyim.Her yaptığımı en çok ben eleştirdiğim için başkaları eleştirdiğinde şaşırmıyorum artık.Beni belki de en çok ben incittim bu hayatta.

Artık böyle olmak istemiyorum.Geçmişte bir çok hata yaptım ve biliyorum ki ilerde de yapmaya devam edeceğim.İnsan olmanın bir kuralı gibi bir şey bu.Ama aynısını bir başkası yapsa kendimi eleştirdiğim kadar onu eleştirmeyeceğimi biliyorum.Bunu aklımda tutmalıyım.Daha merhametli olmalıyım kendime karşı.

Umarım olabilirim.Bunu okuyan ve benimle aynı şeyleri yaşayan kim var sa umarım o da olabilir.

Dear Gramps, It’s been a few years since you’ve left. I should probably tell you how much of a coincidence this is. I mean I visited you not that long ago and now here I am writing to you. It’s been a wild ride let me tell you oldtimer. You’ve taught me a lot in my younger days, days I barely remember. How to be a man. It’s sad though. I can’t recall when you held me as a child, or when you brought me to school, and picked me up. How you and grandma would just watch us play all day long. You’ve done so much but I only remember so little. I can only remember the suffering mainly. It almost brings me to tears. Oh how I miss you, and would give up anything to have you hold me one more time. Explain what a tackle box is or even see you in the stands cheering me on. Now you are in the bleachers of the sky, with your hat and grin. Waving and cheering from above, always on the side of good. You were disciplined and strict, always straight forward. I would kill for your lessons. The one ... Read more

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It’s been almost four years since you left. It’s been hard. I miss having your around, you who comforted me every time my parents fought, you who kept convincing Dad to stop cheating on Mom because you loved us so much. You who I’d hug every time you went to your sister’s house next door to ours. The one person who loved me more than anyone did.

Ever since you died, my family fell apart. Dad had no one to convince him anymore so he left us. I was so heartbroken at first, because I used to have such a beautiful family. But then I realized I didn’t like him anymore. He left us. He wasn’t gonna come back. I hate him for that. And sometimes I feel I hate you a little bit, too. I mean, I know you didn’t mean to go. I think you were just as shocked as we were. But sometimes I think, well what if you fought harder? Maybe you would still be here. Maybe I’d still have a grandpa. A shoulder to cry on.

If I had known what was going to happen, I would have stayed. I would have told you to drink ... Read more

So much has changed over the few years you’ve been gone. This whole pandemic called covid-19 has changed everyone’s life and left me with half an 8th grade year and a freshman year with masks on. No one would’ve ever predicted what happened, everyone was basically locked inside for over a year. It was pretty upsetting early on because part of the family didn’t know they had caught it, but everything’s alright now. I got my temps a couple months ago and i’m nearly old enough to get my licence. Kyle just turned 14 and were celebrating his birthday on halloween this year. He’s grown a bit and nearly 70 pounds, but still small. Thankfully, we haven’t had to make any trips to the emergency room for him in the past few years, from what I can remember. I’ve still kept playing soccer and this year and started varsity for my highschool team. We had a rough season with a ton of injuries but i’ve gotten a lot better and am starting to actually enjoy it again. I have so many cousins now its insane! I don’t think you’ve met Uncle Rich’s daughter Lydia or Aunt T’s daughter Cassidy. I ... Read more

I just want to start by saying I miss you. We all miss you. I can tell Dad still doesn’t like talking about you being gone. I know you only died earlier this year but I think you were gone a long time ago. You just weren’t you. I think Dad feels the same way but it’s still hard. You were such a fun personality. You made jokes, played pranks, and had fun. You always had a smile and enjoyed all the little things. I think that is why your food always tasted so good. You knew how important the little details were. No matter what time it was or what day you always made sure we had full, delicious meals. You were always caring. Every morning I was met with an egg sandwich. Every lunch I had plenty of snacks and treats for me and my friends to share. Every dinner everyone had more than enough delicious food and I never had a meal that I didn’t enjoy. That had to be tiring. But you did it anyways. I think you just enjoyed making people smile. You cared so much about others, but you were still shy. You did ... Read more